58cm Specialized SL2 for sale

This si a fukking bad boy. Yes it is.

So you are fukking off for the umpteenth time on Craigslist or Ebay trying to find a cheap cherry Specialized SL2 frame and fork well keep looking because this isnt it. This bad bitch has had the snot ridden out of her I bet I put a hundred thousand miles on it this year alone maybe a lot more. Its a old bike too I got it in ’09 in July and have beat the shit out of this bike. Strava fukkin sent me a letter saying dont put any more of your badass rides our servers are crashing.

Now then. This bad boy dont give a shit about being beat to shit not one bit. It is still stiffer than a sailor on shore leave. It has some cool decals on it you will still be a dork but this bad boy has cool decals. One is Saxo Bank. The bikes white. Saxo doesn’t mean some effimanent guy in a jazz bar smokin clove cigs and listening to Barry White or some shit. Saxo is short for Anglosaxons which is short for Saxons which means badass.

Dont ask me any stupd questions about this you can see it stupid.

The Saxons came from germany before it was even a country and gave the romans a beatdown and the huns and the vandals and the mongrol hoards too. They didn’t have guns or shit they just beat the shit out of everyone with their fukkin clubs and fists. Hitler wouldn’t have stood a chance against these fukkers or Saddam Hussane they would have kicked his ass too. This bike is Saxo Bank, get it? What do you think a Saxon put in the bank money? No fukkin way they didnt have money they put in the bank whupass and a ton of it. You build up this bad bitch and you will make some serious whupass withrdarls from the Saxo Bank on the local rides when you are stomping peoples dicks off.

Now then. This bad bitch has never been crashed but its not because of lack of trying. I road this like a crazy fukker more than you can believe and sure its not cherry. But if you want cherry go hit on a twelve yearold and go to prison you wiredo. Now then. Its got some dings and shit who wouldn’t after a zillion miles I sure would. Theres places on the header tube that have been worn through by cables because the little plastic protector thingy fell off a stone age ago. Well now if you care about that you are a pussy everything is going to fail catastorifically eventully even the sun will fukkin fail and go out. So what the fuk do you expect from a plastic bike.

its been rubbed so the fuck what it wont kill you you chickenman.

Now then. Theres a place on the inside of the chain stay all rubbed to sh*t from something probably a magnet. Dont whine to me about that its not cherry you morron its been road to shit and back thats why you aren’t paying full retail at a bike shop because you are a cheapass. Build up this bad bitch and paint over the nasty spots it wont fail but if it does you better not even think about sueing me because I’m already telling you its fukked up some. You are probably one of those jagoffs who buys shit at walmart and wears it for a month and then takes it back for a full refund. Well they hate you and think your a dushe even though they are like smiling and like “Have a nice day” crap. Well I’m not so dont pull any crap okay and I dont care what kind of fukking day you have or ever have.

Well now. You are probably thinking this is too cool to be offered but there is more. Everybody in fukking LA knows this bike because it has kicked more asses than a pointy toed pair of boots in a bar full of transvestites. This fukkin bad boy has inflicted some body pain and some booty pain all over the fukkin South Bay and beyond.

NBD that means no big deal. its No big deal get over it.

Switchbacks in PV? Kicked some fukkin ass all over that town. PCH? Fukkin engraved my star on that piece of asphalt with this bad bitch. Donut Ride? You show up on the Doney with this bad boy people will say oh fuk thats some badass shit the guys peckers will shrivell all up they will crap in thier pants and the hot chicks will be staring at your pants guaranteed. You put some good componnants on this bad bitch and it will climb its lighter than helium it will pull your saggy ass up the climbs practically. Dont be a cheapass dork and buy this bad bitch and build it up with 105 crap youll look like a dork and for gods sake wear bibs no one wants to look at your hairy buttcrack. Plus its made from FACT carbon which means Fucking Awesome Carbon Thing and its damned good and stiff.

Now then. One day I was riding this bad boy in PV and some dumfuk road crew had just painted the road with white stripe paint shit while they were stoned like theres any other kind of road crew right and then they wnet  on a rest break to get stoned some more and forgot the orange conese so I road right through the white striping paint shit. It spalttered like a fukker and its instant dry shit I mean they had just put it down when I road over it.

This is a little bit of nothing get over it chickenman.

So this bad bitch gets like sprayed with white paint that after a zillion miles turns gray and looks nasty. Ive took most of it off but there are still spots so if your a prissy pretty boy or prissy pritty girl and your such a loser that you lay on your stomach and stare underneath your fukkin bike with a fukkin microscope you will think “Eeeewwwww” but fuk you I wouldn’t sell this bad bitch to you anyway.

Now your looking at these pictures and going what does he live in a fukkin prison. No asshole I live in a pretty classy place that has big hairy fuks with guns at the door to keep deadbeats like you from sneaking in and stealing the toilet paper. Those are the bars on my balcony not a prison you idiot. I probably have more money in my checking account than your whole fukking family tree and if you had a pot to piss in you wouldnt even know how to spell craigslist.

So now your so hot to buy your like where do I fukkin sign. Well you know what they say the best time to breed the mare is when the farmer is in heat but if you think I’m giving you my contact info your fukkin nuts people get murdered on craigslist over pissant shit like porn and blowjobs much less a bad boy like I’m selling here. So then. You send me a email and don’t give me any poormouth bullshit I dont give a ratsass about your moms chemo cash only please. No I wont take your rubber fukkin check and I wont swap for your supposed web design skills or shit or even think about taking your stolen credit card you dushe. Hard cash only please in this case $500 big ones. Also dont ask if Ill take less than that this isnt Bangaladesh if I wanted $450 I’d have typed $450 morron. If you want to go haggle like your at the fukkin bazar go to Bagdad.

From the other side it is bitching to.

Now then. In case you are a scammer fuk and think your going to meet me somewhere and rip me off well fuk you. I have a federal license for every fukkin kind of killing machine ever invented and guns with caliburs that are big and badass. And I will. use it on the first fuk that tries to rip me off. You may think I’m skinny and no account because I am a fukkin hammer on this bad boy but I know joojitsoo and kung foo and will use it all over your ass upside and down if your not  instantly killed in a hail of bullets. Don’t fuk with me plus I carry a big ass knife.

Also dont send me a zillion emails with stupid questions I wont answer them. You think fukkin Eddy Merx gave a ratsass about your stupid questions he didn’t. He climbed the fukkin tours of Giro and France and Spain with six cogs on the back wearing a stinkass wool sweater on a bike that weighs more than your fat sister. He was a fukking hammer stud and he didnt give a ratsass why the fuk should you. You either want this bad boy or your just a tirekicking dick.

I am Standing by to make you one happy dude or chick. Oh yeah its 58cm dont fukking ask me how many inches that is what am I a calculater and it comes with a pretty bitching seatpost I will throw in the bottle cages too if your not a total dushe. They are blue. Which is very rad.

12 thoughts on “58cm Specialized SL2 for sale”

  1. I get conflicted. Seth, please win the lottery so that you can write more. But that would likely just douse your flame and doom your interest. On the other hand, it just wouldn’t be right if I instead wished that you were struck with a tide of unfortunate events that compelled you to write with even more frequency. Would it?

      1. Hilarious from start to finish. Truly a masterpiece. Still laughing here.

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