Post-coital New Pier Ride wrap up

February 29, 2012 § 10 Comments

Yah, the New Pier Ride is a huge improvement. Instead of being a demented free-for-all nutfuck crazyass fredfest mass sprint of death filled with homicidal drivers and chugholes and steel plates of quadriplegia, there are no longer any chugholes or steel plates.

So, yesterday…Hair wins the sprint. I think. I was four time zones back. But here’s what really matters: Hair was constantly either on the attack, chasing breaks, or drilling on the front to keep the pace high. THEN he took the sprint. MD, absentee from doing any work whatsoever, muscled out a strong 2nd. G$, who finished with 400 attacks, got third. Vapor, who burned through twelve tanks of rocket fuel, finished up there somewhere after towing the entire peloton repeatedly and burning enough matches in his repeated attacks to light a bonfire.

Douggie and Suze briefly escaped on the third lap after making the turn. It was lovely to see such good friends working in harmony on the bike. Canyon Bob took one long pull on the finish of the second lap then sat in until the very end, when he dragged the entire pack up to the lone flailing breakaway on the hill on the last lap so that it could end in a sprint, Bob’s forte. How’d that work out for you, buddy?

Here’s what else matters: on the New Pier Ride, as in life, there is a group of the usual suspects who work, attack, chase, recover, and attack again, again, and again. I’m talking about Vapor. G$. Hair. Wehrlissimo. Fireman. Tree. G3. Davy Dawg. Beef Freeman.

And now, some commentary: What’s with the other 79 sausage strokers who show up on this stupid training ride and take somewhere between 0 and 1 pulls? Like, are you in contention for the sprint? And it’s the first time you’ve seen the front? On the fucking Pier Ride? Are you kidding me? I don’t care if you’re a girl, or a boy, or somewhere in between, take a fucking pull, and then, when you’re gassed, recover and take another. Repeat until you barf up your entrails.

The worst that can happen is you will get shelled, but that’s the beauty of the new route. Just stuff your parts back in your pants, take a few deep breaths, and hop back on when the group comes by on the other side. You may not get any stronger or better looking, but at least you won’t be considered a contemptible piece of shit by the people who are out there animating the ride.

New Pier Ride wrap-up from last Thursday: After an endless series of leg-breaking, spirit sapping, trauma inducing attacks and counterattacks, Fireman, G3, and I escaped on the rise to the overpass after the turn beginning the fourth lap. G3 was killing it, and us, and had been riding like a madman. Fireman beat me for the vee by the the width of a tire + 400 or so meters. Afterwards everyone complained about “cheating,” “running the last red light,” and similar sore loser remarks, to which I replied, “Cheaters sometimes win, whiners never do.”

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§ 10 Responses to Post-coital New Pier Ride wrap up

  • CB says:

    How’d it work out? 8 time zones back. Just doing my part to help.

    • Donut says:

      Didn’t Ted Nugent have a song about that or something? Yep, them sprinters is shore appreciative of a good hard chase to reel in the break. They shore is.

      • CB says:

        I or rather Ted, always say, Wango Tango.

        • Donut says:

          Oh…I thought it was cat scratch something or other medical term. Cat scratch laryngitis? Cat scratch aneurysm? Cat scratch abscess? Oh, bother, quoth Pooh Bear. (Note to readers: this is the first time in the history of the written word that Ted Nugent and Winnie the Pooh have been referenced in the same sentence).

      • CB says:

        Clinical studies by C. Robin PhD have demonstraed an inverse relationship between Ted Nugent and productivity – increased time spent discussing Ted leads to decreased productivity. Similar results were noted regarding that mindless pursuit, bicycling. Clinical studies on discussing Whiney the Pooh and productivity are currently in process. A study is being proposed to evaluate productivity and discussions of Ted Nugent and Winnie the Pooh however the relevence of this study has been called into question.

      • CB says:

        Definitely not! Wait. What not by us? Cat scratch? Ted Nugent? Cycling? Questioning?

  • Noel says:

    i can’t read past the Dougie Suzie working together bit without tearing up….

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