Pro Cycling: a sponsor’s dream come true

May 9, 2012 § 2 Comments

By now you’ve saved up a few dollars in your company’s bank account, or squirreled away some cash as a result of your recycling business. So you’re thinking about expansion. About marketing. Fact is, you love cycling. It’s your passion. Why not marry Peter with Paul? Or, ah, Peter with Suzie if you’re in North Carolina?

Maybe now is the time to bring your brand recognition to the next level by sponsoring a pro bike squad.

But first, let’s do a little research. Below is a list of the sponsors for teams entered in the 2012 Giro d’Italia. Take the quiz to get an idea of how well cycling sponsorship dollars correlate to improved brand recognition, and then make your sponsorship decision accordingly.

1. Lampre-ISD. Years as a pro sponsor: 21
Lampre’s primary business is…
a. Lamprey eels
b. Semiconductors
c. Prefinished steel sheet materials
d. Blood doping products

2. AG2R La Mondiale. Yeas as a pro sponsor: 12
AG2R La Mondiale’s primary business is…
a. Agricultural “twools”
b. Euro bailout funds
c. Insurance
d. Moondials

3. Androni Giocattoli-Venezuela. Years as a pro sponsor: 12
Androni Giocattoli-Venezuela’s primary business is…
a. Secret Service hookers
b. The “Chavez” style hairpiece
c. Toys
d. Doping products

4. Pro Team Astana. Years as a pro sponsor: 6
Astana’s primary business is…
a. Doping products
b. Doping products
c. Doping products
d. Doping products

5. BMC Racing. Years as a pro sponsor: 6
BMC’s primary business is…
a. Bicycle frames
b. Bowel Movement Calipers
c. Tissues and diapers for Cadel Evans to cry and poop into
d. Multi-angle mirrors to make Taylor Phinney appear small enough to win a Grand Tour

6. Colnago-CSF Inox. Years as a pro sponsor: 30
Colnago-CSF Inox’s primary business is…
a. Bike frames/Industrial valves
b. Bike frames/Industrial centrifuges
c. Bike frames/Industrial whinges
d. Bike frames/Vacuum cleaners

7. Euskaltel-Euskadi. Years as a pro sponsor: 11
Euskaltel-Euskadi’s primary business is…
a. Telecom
b. Pharma
c. Vacuum cleaners
d. Orange

8. Farnese Vini-Selle Italia. Years as a pro sponsor: 4
Farnese Vini-Selle Italia’s primary business is…
a. Wine/Bike seats
b. Winemaking barrels/Bike seats
c. Wine drunkards sniffing bike seats
d. Doping products

9. FDJ-Big Mat. Years as a pro sponsor: 9
FDJ-Big Mat’s primary business is…
a. Gambling/”Big” porn
b. Gambling/Plus-sized yoga equipment
c. Gambling/Building materials
d. National Excuse Infrastructure Development to Support Hypotheses Why the French Can’t Win Real Bike Races

10. Garmin-Barracuda. Years as a pro sponsor: 6
Garmin-Barracuda’s primary business is…
a. GPS devices/Security-networking-storage-cloud services
b. StageOne moving billboards/Eating little fish
c. Anti-doping products/Anti-doping PR services
d. Sideburns/Vests

11. Orica GreenEdge. Years as a pro sponsor: 1
Orica GreenEdge’s primary business is…
a. Blowing shit up
b. Dastardly chemicals
c. Adjunct products for strip mining
d. All of the above

12. Katusha Team. Years as a pro sponsor: 4
Katusha’s primary business is…
a. Promotion of Russian cycling
b. Defending Antonio Colom’s analytical positive
c. Defending Christian Pfannberger’s analytical positive
d. All of the above

13. Liquigas-Cannondale. Years a pro sponsor: 14
Liquigas-Cannondale’s primary business is…
a. Licking gas products/Bike frames
b. Liquified gas products/Bike frames
c. Hair care products for Ivan Basso/Bike frames
d. Oakley frame designs/Bike frames

14. Lotto Belisol. Years as a pro sponsor: 29
Lotto Belisol’s primary business is…
a. Gambling/Door and window frames
b. Gambling/Tanning booths
c. Pine-scented cleaner for large bellies
d. Doping products

15. Movistar. Years as a pro sponsor: 2
Movistar’s primary business is…
a. Movie stars
b. Telecom
c. Residential and commercial moving services
d. Doping products

16. Omega Pharma-QuickStep. Years as a pro sponsor: 9
Omega Pharma-QuickStep’s primary business is…
a. Doping products/Laminate flooring
b. Doping products/Dance lessons
c. Doping products/Total Domination of the Spring Classics
d. Doping products/Doping products

17. Rabobank. Years as a pro sponsor: 17
Rabobank’s primary business is…
a. Usury
b. Contract bank robbing services
c. A long history of organized doping
d. A place where busy, upwardly mobile, professional single men and women can meet for lunch without committing to anything more than a casual meal and a blowjob in the bathroom

18. RadioShack-Nissan. Years as a pro sponsor: 2
RadioShack-Nissan’s primary business is…
a. Gemcracky crap/Gemcracky cars
b. Cancer awareness programs/Cars that wish they were still called “Datsun”
c. Hideously ugly team kits/Sushi

19. Sky. Years as a pro sponsor: 1
Sky’s primary business is…
a. Blue sky
b. Satellite broadcasting
c. Brad Pride Parade organization and logistics
d.  Yawn. Doping.

20. NetApp. Years as a pro sponsor: 1
NetApp’s primary business is…
a. Cross-domain analysis and advanced analytics to help customers manage, optimize, and plan performance and utilization across their data center infrastructure
b. Two variants of Data ONTAP; Data ONTAP 7G and a nearly complete rewrite called Data ONTAP GX, based upon grid technology acquired from Spinnaker Networks; software product lines comprising one OS-Data ONTAP 8, which will fold Data ONTAP 7G onto the Data ONTAP GX cluster platform
c. Headaches galore
d. A bunch of Sunnyvale tech geeks who get dropped on the local Saturday ride and want their revanche as owners of a UCI pro team

21. Saxo-Bank. Years as a pro sponsor: 5
Saxo-Bank’s primary business is…
a. Saxo-Usury
b. Saxo-Thuggery
c. Saxo-Fraudery
d. Saxo-Dopery

22. Vacansoleil-DCM. Years as a pro sponsor: 4
Vacansoleil-DCM’s primary business is…
a.  Luxury camping holidays/Farm supplies
b. Luxury auto rentals/Farm animals for “niche” videos
c. Poverty camping holidays/Farmers’ daughters
d. Poverty ocean cruises/Dolphin Care Mannequins

Well, how’d you do? Ready to sink some money to increase your brand recognition?

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§ 2 Responses to Pro Cycling: a sponsor’s dream come true

  • Bill Stone says:

    You have worn out the Doping. Yes, I get it. You know you are a slug only because you are the ONE CLEAN ONE-other than David Millar.

    • Wankmeister says:

      I’ve worn out “the Doping?” I haven’t even worn out my latest set of Continental Hardshells…and “the Doping” is lots more durable than that.*

      (*Secretly glad to have you back. Man who can dish it out AND take it is man indeed.)

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