Wrong again!

July 3, 2012 § 6 Comments

Dear Wankmeister:

Well, anudder day, anudder wrong predictions. You don know shit about wielrenner. You say Sagan a fuck no, Sagan win. You say Peraud gonna winner, dat fuk a loser. You say Hutarovich gonna seconder, dat fuk a hunnerd durdy-sixer. You gonna shoulda toss a computer inna dumpster and shut up fuk mouth.

Pleghmy van Flandria

Dear Phleghmy,

Dude, I was so on target. You just didn’t “get it.” Are you related to Mr. Really Smart, the douchebag who commented on yesterday’s masterpiece? You sure sound like it.

I told Saggs yesterday (and I quote) “Don’t even fucking think about it.” This referred to his lame Fabs wheelsuck from Stage 2. I wasn’t forbidding him from winning. In fact, in a reverse psychological way I was actually encouraging him to win, which he did. So I not only got it right, I’m entitled to at least half of his winnings. So fuck you for that.

Peraud didn’t win, but he almost won, which is pretty much the same thing. He got 37th. When’s the last time you got 37th in a Tour stage, asshole? Fucking never, that’s when.

Hutarovich didn’t get second overall, but he got second after the dude who was the first person to place #135. So fuck you for that, too.

We can ignore all that crap, though. The money prediction was that Mullet would fuck up and act like a wanker. And you know what? He did!!! Like an idiot, he got caught up behind a crash and finished :49 down on the winning group. Now you’re like, “So vat bout dat? He’s a still a seconder overall and he’s aheader of dat Cadel. Don give no cheese fart bout dat.”

Of course, you’re wrong again, because it shows that when the chips are down, Mullet’ll act like a noob and crash out, or get all nervous and do something dumb. You watch. This was the Klutz Overture to what promises to be a Brad Dorkington Symphony.


PS: Notice how perfectly I predicted Horseface and Humpty Ugly? 153rd and 38th, respectively. Damn, I’m good.

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§ 6 Responses to Wrong again!

  • josh says:

    Where in the fuck do you get this from?

    “Don give no cheese fart bout dat”

    It’s absolute jibber-jabber. I love it!

    Keep it up man, you rock.

    Wankmeister for president? 🙂

    • Wankmeister says:

      Dude. I’ve got a team of writers here at Wankmeister Conglomerate Enterprises, Inc. We scour the Internet, the Library of Congress, conduct hundreds of daily interviews with people at all levels of the sport, and collaborate with the finest comedy writers in the trade in order to bring you these highly polished, refined, and cutting edge blog posts. Don’t listen to the gossip; I’ve heard it before and it’s all shit. “That Wankmeister is a marginally employed deadbeat who lives in a dumpster and plagiarizes all his shit from the Twitter feeds of crazy people.”

      I think President would really fit my already overwhelming megalomania and hopeless narcissism. Check back with me in 2016 on that.

  • Evan says:

    fabs sucked wheels in the finale today, why don’t you rag on him?

    • Wankmeister says:

      Fabs, you fat-ass wanker! What the fuck were you doing sucking wheels in the finale today after dropping the field with your tremendous power and dragging Saggs to the finish in a 4-km solo two days ago after powering to first in the prologue? You lazy, lame-ass Swiss cheese!

      • Evan says:

        1.3km… but who’s counting? After riding 1.3k by myself I’m knackered for a week, so it’s impressive that fabian was even able to straddle his bike today.

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