Froome “saddened” by doping allegations, may leave Tour

Tour de France leader Chris Froome of Team Sky has admitted his frustration at constant questions about doping, according to the BBC. Froome extended his advantage with a stunning ride on Sunday but faced more doping questions on Monday’s rest day.

“It’s sad that we’re sitting here the day after the biggest victory of my life talking about doping,” said Froome. “Why can’t we talk about unicorns?”

Continued Froome: “This whole thing makes me sad. Really, incredibly, terribly, horribly, agonizingly sad. The sadness of being called a doper and a cheat and a liar and a fraud is so saddening, you have no idea. I’m just so sad. Sad. I’ve half a mind to leave the Tour, I’m so sad.”

Team boss David Brailsford hustled a visibly shaken and sobbing Froome off to the “Froome Wagon” before addressing reporters. “These doping questions make me sad, too, maybe even sadder than Chris. At least he got to win the stage. I have to stay back in the team bus washing dirty chamois and cleaning the insides of water bottles with those long spiky brushes that get the crud off the edges on the bottom but leave little bits on the very flat part. When is someone going to invent a bottle brush just for cycling water bottles? But it’s really sad, anyway. I’m so sad I don’t know what else to say.”

Richie Porte, the faithful domestique who blew up the field in a hard-charging effort reminiscent of the days when 200-lb. George Hincapie won stages normally reserved for 125-lb. veggie mites, was also sad. “Chris is sad? Dave is sad? What about me? I’m sad, too! A little bit pissed, but sad at the same time, kind of like when I used to get beaten up by my big brother. This whole thing is sad.”

Tubs McGillicuddy, the bus driver, although not visibly sad, spoke to the press about the sadness of others who weren’t necessarily there but who were likely sad as well. “Y’wanna talk about sad, d’ye? How’s about ol’ Wiggster? He’s the saddest of ’em all. He’s sadder ‘n a sad sack. Sadder than a sack ‘o shit tossed out th’ window of a fast-movin’ train, I say. Aye, he’s one sad puppy an’ I ‘low we oughta take a minute of quiet time to be sad on ‘is behalf. ‘Tis a sad day, to be sure.”

Froome stuck his head out of the bus window and added, “My team-mates and I have been away from home for months training together and working hard to get here, we’ve slept on volcanoes to get ready for this, and here I am accused of being a cheat and a liar. That’s not cool. It makes us all sad. This is a sad day. We should be cheerful and happy but we’re not. We’re sad. So if you want us to be happy, please stop asking us questions designed to make us sad.”

40 thoughts on “Froome “saddened” by doping allegations, may leave Tour”

  1. i thought you were spoofing Froome but you actually were quoting Froome’s comments to a BBC interview with a little paraphrasing and poetic license. It is so Sad that it is so funny, but in a funny sad way.

    1. It made me very sad to read this. I’m just so saddened by it all. Poor sad Chris. He deserves much cheerfulness and glee in his sad, unhappy life, dodging these cruel and unfair sadness-inducing questions by mean reporters. I feel profoundly for him. What a sad time.

  2. A youtube poster comments, “Leave Chris ALONE!!!…sob…sob..You’re lucky he even performed for you BASTARDS!!”

    1. Oh my gosh, you’re making me so sad. Please don’t re-post mean things by YouTube people who are also trying to make me sad. I wish I were happy and cheerful. This is so sad. I’m so sad.

  3. I’m sad that we usually only get one Cycling in the South Bay entry per day.

    1. Al, you’re making me really sad as I read this. This sadness is just too much. I’m sorry I make you sad, but you posting this makes me sad. We are so sad, you and I.

  4. Ya know the make these bottles that screw on top AND on the bottom so all ya gotta do is unscrew both ends and scrubadubdub…Viola!…No more sadness!!

    1. Oh, that makes him even sadder, because they already spent $56,000 on regular bottles for 2013. Very sad news, indeed.

    1. Yes, it was very sad the way you ate them all before the rest of us could have any. We were all so sad, and would have been sadder had Robert not provisioned us with so much sausage and beer. When I got on the scales this morning, I was doubly sad.

  5. I’m also very sad. It’s a sad situation. But then I watched the bacon clip, and that cheered me up.

    1. Bacon really can help people who are sad by making them cheerful. It’s happy stuff, bacon, but don’t let Joe around the bacon tray or the dessert plate. If you do, you will be very sad.

      1. DpCandND..FBBC

        I am so sad, I am going to go to the wine room and drink a glass of red…that’s one way to cure sadness….that, and bacon.

        1. Don’t let Joe near the bacon or the wine or the desserts or your sadness will resume.

  6. Unemployed Wank (still unemployed, sad isn't it)

    You guys are a bunch of sad mother f**kers…

    1. Unemployment is so very sad. I’m so sad for you, U-Wank. I’m also sad that you had to use asterisks. Let’s all try to be cheerful, okay? Never mind, it didn’t work. Still sad. And thinking about Joe eating everything on the dessert tray. Triple sad.

      1. Unemployed Wank (still unemployed, sad isn't it)

        You know what? I really f**king happy that all you mother f**kers are sad!

        P.s. God it feels so good to cuss…

  7. This makes me so sad. I’m sad that my sadness can’t make me sad enough to get my sad legs to sadly turn a sad 120rpms and leave a sad Colombiano for dead on a sadly day on Mont Ventoux. I need to get much, much sadder…..I’ve half a mind to leave my couch but….too sad…

  8. jack from illinois (not my real name)

    Nothing sadder than a downhearted volcano doper.

  9. What the fuck with all the sadness? This was a super happy post. I laughed super hard. The water bottle sadness was the happiest part.

  10. You know Erythropoietin has been shown to have antidepressive effects. Somebody get this guy a fresh bag’a blood! So sad…..

    1. I think SAD should be the acronym for a new group….Skeptics Against Dopers.

      1. It is so sad that you can’t be serious even for a few minutes. This whole day has made me sad, not to mention Jack from Illinois (not his real name) who was so sad he texted me with several sad jokes. I laughed at them, which was sad, too.

    2. But when people misspell it, it makes them sad, so they abbreviate it with “EPO,” which is really sad because it cheapens this beautiful English language of ours, rich as it is with unpronounceable pharamacological terms.

    1. Ambivalence, too, is a kind of sadness, preying as it does on the emotional divide between two things, neither good nor bad, neither happy nor … dare I say it?

      Very sad, really. But Oliver Stanley? That is positively happy.

  11. I was all poppy and bubbly and happy, like bacon, until I read this. Now I’m all SAD…

    I heard that Wiggo is hiding out in the back of the team bus and whenever Froome come around he videos his with his iPhone and glares at him…

    1. The Froome Wagon is indeed a place of great sadness and lacking in bacon. Wiggo is saddest of all, except when he’s at the bar, which nowadays is all the time.

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