Cycling in the South Bay becomes major motion picture!
August 3, 2013 § 33 Comments
Okay, not a movie actually, more like a book.
Actually, an e-book.
But with your help it MAY one day become the best selling book since Dream of the Red Chamber.
Why a book?
I need the money.
How did it come about?
I printed out all of my blog excreta through December, 2012. It came out to 1,238 single-spaced 8 x 11 pages in 10-point type. After taking a look at the pile I got a huge headache, drank a lot of beer and then forgot about it.
Then what happened?
My good friend Barbara told me to email her the whole clump. She said she would read it and separate the wheat from the chaff. “If there’s no wheat, I’ll at least grade the chaff for you,” she may have said.
So that’s how you came out with a polished diamond?
No. That’s how I came out with 882 pages of “not completely awful” chaff.
Wankmeister, if you think anyone’s going to read 800-plus pages of anything, you’re crazy.
Right. So I whittled it down to about 200 pages, big font, double spaced, with photos of hot naked cyclists in the middle. The cover photo is from the San Pedro GP by Danny Munson.
Just like that?
No, I had more help from Barbara. Then Derek B. gave it a read and a critique. Finally, once it was all polished up and I’d read it another four times for typos, I sent it off to my favorite bicycling editor, Lesli Cohen. Once she finishes it I’ll call it good and publish it.
Which publisher are you using?
That’s a joke, right?
So what’s it about?
It’s about cycling in the South Bay, so I decided to call it “Cycling in the South Bay.”
Ah-hah. When is it coming out?
Two weeks, give or take a day.
Where can I buy it?
Amazon/Apple/Barnes & Noble.
How much will it cost?
Will there be a “bro deal”?
Yes. My bros will buy extra copies. And they will give it super favorable reviews on Amazon.
Aren’t you worried that it will be a POS?
No. I can blame it on Barbara, Derek, and Lesli. And Chris, who encouraged me to do this in the first place.
Is it going to be fiction or nonfiction?
No, no, no. I mean, which one will it be? Fiction or nonfiction?
It’s all 100% true except for the parts I made up.
What if your local buddies get pissed off at what you say about them?
None of them can read, actually. And the ones who can will go straight to the nude photos.
And what about the ones who get left out, like Chris Lotts? They’ll be really pissed.
As long as they buy the book to find out, who cares? Look, the damned thing was 1,200 pages long. In order to get it down to size I had to dump more shit than a manure truck. Anyway, Chris loves me. Mostly. And I’ve had plenty of people ride up to me and offer cash not to be mentioned. Which I’ve accepted, by the way.
Okay. Well, I’m looking forward to it.
Awesome! Its about time, I’m in Wanky!
“Wankmeister, if you think anyone’s going to read 800-plus pages of anything, you’re crazy.” I think you’d be surprised just how many have read all 800+ pages, though over a period of many years, as cyclists attention span is…what the fuck was I saying?
As far as Chris Lotts, you could write a separate book on him that could fit in an 8×10 4 bedroom (sorry Roger).
About needing money as the reason behind this venture, you’re a freaking lawyer, and it’s in your DNA to extract money from others. In fact I’m shocked there’s not a PayPal button on this page in order to post a reply.
Okay, you got me with three good early morning guffaws and a laugh.
Actually, everyone who posts a comment here has unwittingly provided me with a credit card number.
Amazing how many of my readers have Visa/MasterCards through their local porn association.
Looking forward to chapters like: “The naturally-cased Advice Sausage”, and “Aden rhymes with Satan”
I live to disappoint!
there’s already a rumor floating around the Donut Ride you’ve requested Hugh Jackman to play you in the film…Wolverine meets Wankmeister…not sure the world is ready for that…
It’s all true, except for the parts of the rumor that are false.
Hope you make a shit ton of money!… or at least enough to put gas in the prius for a month.
Your latter goal is possible. July we went big and spent $126. Still hurting from that financial bloodbath.
I think you need your own reality show. I will pitch it to my friend. Can’t wait for your book to come out. I haven’t read a cycling book since “Robert Role” and a certain LA came out with their’s.
Oh yea I like to be your fotographer on your book signing tour.
Best of luck.
Thanks for the killer photos from San Marcos! You can join me in the porn wagon that we’ll have with us for “Wanky on Tour.”
Really looking forward to the nude pics!!! As long as they are not of you or Perez or G$! ;0
You’ll just have to skip over that section, then.
Hope there’s an audio version so baby seals can be inspired while flailing to catch the peloton (as they get lapped). After all, when do cyclists have time to do anything but propel the carbon attached to their bottoms? I mean seriously, F-go to the front, I’m just trying to “get outta the back” as the wake of pervasive 2-week old reactivated sweat saturated unwashed lycra goes into outgas mode during the NPR final sprunt…
Like Facebook, everything you post here automatically becomes mine forever in exchange for zero compensation. So, I’m keeping that bit you just wrote and putting it in my next book, “Recycling in the South Bay.”
Ahh…like a true lawyer, I’m flattered (I think). Someday I’ll settle for a good wheel to the front of the final sprunt so I can be worthy of my NRP kit and salute you with the low back wave as I sail past…and I’m happy to inspire your sequel!
Sethi: My iPad is so happy it will be hosting something besides medical reference books!
The Pulizter Committee will be calling soon….. 🙂
Tell them I’m in the bathroom.
That’ll save me from combing back posts. Can’t wait to see it.
Those back posts are like a backyard that hasn’t been mowed all summer.
I will narrate the AudioBook version for you pro-sonny-bono, as long as you want it to sound like Sam Elliott or Tom Bodette. Ted Koppel’s gonna cost extra. A crust of Mrs. WM’s bread will surely suffice.
Two crusts for you, for sure.
First birds, then bikes. what will be next; naked skydiving?
i would like you to autograph the bird book for me. i will send it to you or catch you the next time you do a montrose ride.
Sure! Mail it to me and I’ll have my co-authors sign as well.
Will it be available for the Kindle? The nude photos will probably be in B&W but that will make them much classier….
What if we already read all of you archives when we first discovered your blog last year? Is that why you added the naked pictures?
No cyclist I’ve ever met remembers anything past the previous Thursday. So I think I’m golden.