Date: Thursday, October 3, 2013, 7:00 – 10:00 PM
Location: TBD, Most likely the Strand Brewery or Naja’s, depending on the number of attendees
The heroines and heroes of the South Bay will be recognized for their outstanding achievements at an upcoming awards ceremony. I am now accepting nominations for the following categories. Only nominations submitted in the comments section of this blog will be considered. Final decisions will be made by tallying votes, then ignoring them.
In order to be considered for an award, the rider must meet one of the following qualifications: The nominee must live in the South Bay, ride in the South Bay, have once ridden in the South Bay, know someone who knew someone who once rode in the South Bay, live in the continental United States, or be a real person, living or dead. No other nominations will be considered, except Sasquatch.
South Bay Rider of the Year: Rider who you admired most, for whatever reason.
Most Improved Rider: Rider who stepped it up to “the next level.”
Champion of the NPR: Rider who demonstrated dominance and mastery of this legendary ride.
Champion of the Donut: Rider who demonstrated dominance and mastery of this legendary ride.
Telo Champion: Rider who won the most, or rode the hardest, or showed up the most, etc.
Best New Face: Rider who we never really noticed but we sure notice now.
Best Comeback after an Awful Injury or Spousal Cycling Ban, Etc.: Self-explnatory.
Biggest Wanker: Rider who tries and tries again, but always somehow manages to flail.
Best Cycling Advocate: Rider who gets people enthused about the bike.
Best Club: Best parties? Most open door? Best group rides? You make the call.
South Bay Hardman: Rider who brings the pain.
South Bay Hardwoman: Rider who brings the pain.
KOM: Best male clumber.
QOM: Best female clumber.
Best Cycling Sponsor: Puts their money where our mouths are.
Good Samaritan Award: There for you when you need it even when you don’t deserve it.
Strava Champion: Lives for those little crowns. Real rides and real races? Not so much.
Most Ancient Rider: Father or Mother Time.
South Bay Junior of the Year: Young pup who’s already schooling the old school.
Rider I’d Most Like to Get Stuck Next to on a 100-Miler: Self-explanatory.
Crashtacular Award: Biggest, gnarliest, non-fatal crash.
Ride Animator Award: Rider who always keeps things “interesting.”
Freddy Freeloader Purple Card dis-Award: Rider who contributes the least.
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I admit, I did a double take. I thought it said, “South Bay Hardon.” I don’t live out there but based on what you’ve written over the last year I’ve been reading, that category would have really stiff competition.
LOL…I thought the same, however based on all the over inflated egos, proving could land the NPR a lifetime ban at the MB Starbucks, humility for >50%, and a likely star role in the upcoming feature film adaptation of Seth’s Cycling in the South Bay Trilogy masterpiece “Deep Sprunt”…let the wanking begin (legal disclaimer, apologies to those offended)
“Those offended” left for the exits a looooonnnnng time ago.
Har!!!
Chris Froome for most improved rider. Granted year over year improvement wasn’t that impressive. But as a lifetime achievement award, it may help relieve his sadness.
If he doesn’t get happy soon, we’re all doomed.
May I suggest a best socks category?
Yes, you may. But we need a nominee to go with it.
Oh damn, I can already feel the hangover….this is gonna be fun…So how do we submit our nominations?
Dan, you obviously didn’t read the article fully. It CLEARLY states you must ride up to the Bicycling Hall of Fame in Davis, CA and deposit the nomination in the red steel box which is marked “South Bay Awards.” All nominations must be typed and sealed in a security envelope. Forms are available at the table to the left of the box. Hurry.
thats cause I have a hangover.
You ALWAYS have a hangover.
On a unicycle. In the rain.
Right here, sir!
*Seasons Most Epic Crashes*
Nominee: Dave “The Face” Holland
Crashes:
1) Early season crit crash resulting in legit air-time, concussion, ER visit, and most importantly “the face”.
2) Mid-season portuguese bend crash-out, resulting in no bodily injury but a new wheel + power tap upgrade.
3) Late season crit crash after crossing the finish line in a career best 7th place! Resulting in ER visit and broken collar bone.
Epic.
I smell a winner!
Let’s just get the trophy for this one engraved now. In fact, Dave is such a runaway winner in this category that I think we should call it the “David ‘Stitchface’ Holland Crashtacular Cup.”
Renaming award now to “Crashtacular Award.”
Hardman: David Holland – one crash with a concussion and umpteen stitches to the face, back on the trainer less than a week later and racing 2 weeks later. Another crash, broken collarbone, plus plenty of minor contact with cars, etc. (could also qualify for best comeback or technically best new face)
QOM: Lauren Mulwitz. nuff said
Best sponsor: should go without saying but the name starts with S and ends with PY
Good Samaritan: I’d nominate the whole SB cycling community. If I have to pick one individual: G3
Biggest wanker: I am not sure if there is anyone that can outwank the Wankmeister
These are solid gold. I’m seeing some trends here.
spousal cycling ban… That will be a crowded category.
Does the “Junior of the year” category get awarded in abstentia? Family values wankmeister!
I didn’t see a “Best recovering addict who changed addiction to cycling” category. Maybe next year?
Juniors will be awarded near beer outside the door of the bar. In cycling, there are no recovering addicts. Only addicts.
I would have to say best junior would have to go to Jules, but that’s about all i know as i mostly ride in Carson and not the South Bay it seems.
South Bay Rider of the Year
TBD
Most Improved Rider
Seth Davidson, Aaron Wimberly
Seth: Stronger, smarter, more aggressive.
Aaron: Great sprinter who turned into a climber, relentless smasher and an even better sprinter.
Don’t like the guy. Too fast.
🙂
Champion of the NPR
Damn that Aaron Wimberly
Champion of the Donut
Stathis the Wiley Greek
Telo Champion
Damn that Aaron Wimberly
Best New Face
TBD
Best Comeback after an Awful
Injury or Spousal Cycling Ban, Etc.
TBD
Biggest Wanker
Wow, that’s a good one. The list is so long….
Josh Alverson
Best Cycling Advocate
Greg Leibert
Best Club (or Team?)
Spy-Giant-Ride ECT.
South Bay Hardman
(Are we judging “Hardness”, or “likes to jump off the bikeness”?)
Hardness: Eric Anderson
South Bay Hardwoman
Lauren Wulwitz
KOM
Stathis
QOM
Tink
Best Cycling Sponsor
Absolutely, no question…
SPY Optic
Good Samaritan Award
Greg Leibert & Lauren Mulwitz
(The super team!)
Strava Champion
MMX, Lane Reid, Spencer Yee
Most Ancient Rider
TBD
South Bay Junior of the Year
Sam Warford (jr?)
Rider I’d Most Like to Get Stuck Next to on a 100-Miler
TBD
Awesome! I’m definitely voting for myself!
Best New Face
Dave Holland!?
That’s hilarious!!!
Ok, I just re read the categories.
I have to remove MMX from my Strava Champion nomination.
It turns out that this category is for a “Strava Wanker”, not a “Strava Smasher”.
My bad.
MMX is an uber-wanker.
Jules is definitely in the running. He’ll get his Naja’s beer certificate when he turns 21.
junior-sam warford..I know hes like 18 or 19 but to me thats fresh off the tit.
wanker-fawkin seth davidson..nuff said
telo-josh alverson after more than one solo windy breakaway win he gets my nod.
comeback-dave holland..duh
advocate-seth davidson, jim hannon
sponsor-SPY
kom-studfest whos whos..G3, sam I am, lane reid, surfer dan, wankmeister, G$, josh alverson, eric anderson, stathis….fawkers.
qom- mighty mouse, tink
samaritan-G3 cause he epitomizes how riders should act.
club-beach cities cycling club, over 400 members strong.
100 mile rider buddy- surfer dan, just dont go mountain biking on your road bike with him.
hardman-dave holland
rider of the year- wankmeister
You can stop nominating me for stuff, as the bylaws of the Academy specifically say, “Wankmeister is disqualified.” From what, you ask? Everything, apparently.
hardwoman-suze sonye, mm
npr- wimberly
Worthy nominees, both!
ok change rider of the year to kevin phillips. breaking the hr record in style and the months of planning and training to pull it off gets my nod.
He could also get in the Crashtastic column. We’re also adding a Freddy Freeloader category for the biggest wheelsuck. It’s going to be a crowded category! Also added Ride Animator for the rider who keeps his or her foot on the gas!
Now we’re talking!
strava champ- brian perkins
Good nomination.
The legitimacy of these awards is seriously questioned by the lack of a “Best Videographer Award,” but we’ll press on anyways.
Champion of the NPR: In an upset, I am going with Wanky over Eric Anderson. Wanky was part of the first successful 4-man break in NPR history, managed to avoid manslaughter in the rain during a very memorable NPR, had a “Moment Like This” and generally flogged himself at the front of the ride. Plus Eric wins plenty already. Wanky needs this.
South Bay Hardman: Surfer Dan. Seems to have never met a 100 mile ride through the mountains that he didn’t like.
KOM – I will go with Eric here, mainly because I consider the overpass on NPR to be a “mountain.” Huge sprint but can seriously climb as well. Annoying, right? Honorable mention goes to Chad Moston, who is a similar two-way threat/freak, but is a more infrequent participant in races and local group rides.
QOM: Still Kristabel.
Strava Champion: How is this not Brian Perkins?
Most Ancient Rider: Johnny Walsh. Still out there pounding the pedals.
South Bay Junior of the Year: This has to go to Jules Gilliam, for smoking the entire Cat 4 field at Rosena Ranch in February to take the win, in the process beating many loyal readers of this blog. You know who you are.
These are great, except that I’m disqualified due to bylaw No. 3.234(c)(iii): Wankmeister is disqualified.
Weird, but it appears to be the only bylaw.
OK, in that case, I change my nomination from “Wanky” to Seth Davidson.
I agree. Wanky gets no votes, but Seth Davidson is in the running.
Wow, I just checked and found that there is actually another bylaw, bringing the grand total to two: “Seth Davidson is disqualified.”
Damn.
That’s a shame.
There may be some unclaimed awards (and cash prizes?) in that case.
I’m still voting for you, wanker.
By laws are for pussies.
Man, the more I dig, the more I learn! Bylaw X reads: “Wankmeister allowed to accept free beer at all times.”
Set Davidsonh?
Sethn Davidso? Both would make for fantastic nominees.
South Bay Rider of the Year – Mighty
Most Improved Rider – Hani
Champion of the NPR – No idea, I am usually too far back
Champion of the Donut – See above
Telo Champion – Te-what? (Didn’t make it to one this year)
Best Comeback after an Awful Injury or Spousal Cycling Ban, Etc. – Mr Agnew!!!
Biggest Wanker – <3
Best Cycling Advocate – Wanky
Best Club – La Big Iron Orange Hlelens Fly Grange
South Bay Hardman – Fireman (see earlier blog)
South Bay Hardwoman – Suze
KOM – MMX x 1,000,000
QOM – TINK & Mighty
Best Cycling Sponsor – SPY
Good Samaritan Award – G3
Strava Champion – BP aka Tree
South Bay Junior of the Year – Diego!
Rider I’d Most Like to Get Stuck Next to on a 100-Miler – Wanky, to tell me stories
Thanks for your nominations!!!!
Guy most likely to change your tire then pull you back to the group: TIE Captain & Robert Spalding
Okay. They both get neckties.
I don’t know any of these wankers. I used to know THOG, but then, he was a pimple poppin’ junior back in the day. I will, however, donate two cases of good red juice AND pay the corkage that is sure to follow. Let me know.
You can nominate anyone, and you can attend this illustrious gathering. And the wine will be gleefully consumed.
Crash award: hands down Pischon Jones MBGP
And extra points because he walked away after leaving a 10-foot diameter crater in the pavement.
100-Miler: Surfer Dan for sure.
He always hugs you at the end of every ride. It’s nice. He’d probly do more if you let’em.
He has never hugged me. Only eaten my donuts.
Told ya, he’ll do more if you let him. I don’t allow him anywhere near my donut.
Mike Jones, All categories, all the time. Just becuase old dirty kit, skincare, and sunblock always win.
There’s for sure one category that he’s got a lock on, that freeloading wanker.
I forgot my dollar for coffee.
If I had a nickel for every time he’s used that …
Okayyyyy, I’ll play along kinda sorta
Most Improved Rider: Hani with credit to secret training
Best Cycling Advocate: Seth (yes, I can and will nominate you) and G$
Best Club: Big O
South Bay Hardwoman: Suze
Good Samaritan Award: G3
Strava Champion: Perkins
South Bay Junior of the Year: Diego
Rider I’d Most Like to Get Stuck Next to on a 100-Miler: Dan
Thanks!! Great nominations, with one exception.
thanks tink 🙂
secret training will resume in sept!
I nominate G$ for EVERY category. Huh? QOM? Hardwoman? That’s right bitch, I said EVERY category.
Your are nothing, sir, if not innovative.
Wheel I’d Most Like To Sit On: Don Witzel (sp?). He’s selfless, has the smoothest wheel and is one the nicest guys you’ll ever meet.
Good Samaritan Award: Mrs. WM. She does more behind he scenes than we’ll ever know!
I got some “behind the scenes” last night! Hoo-haaa!
Nominations submitted by Mike Norris:
South Bay Rider of the Year: Rider who you admired most, for whatever reason.
Most Improved Rider: Rider who stepped it up to “the next level.” Gus Bayle
Champion of the NPR: Rider who demonstrated dominance and mastery of this legendary ride. Seth
Champion of the Donut: Rider who demonstrated dominance and mastery of this legendary ride. I am never at the front to see.
Telo Champion: Rider who won the most, or rode the hardest, or showed up the most, etc. See Donut.
Best New Face: Rider who we never really noticed but we sure notice now. Young Kid (Have no idea of his name. He was on NPR today and Stathis “coached” him) [Ed: Sam Warford!]
Best Comeback after an Awful Injury or Spousal Cycling Ban, Etc.: Self-explnatory. G$
Biggest Wanker: Rider who tries and tries again, but always somehow manages to flail. ALL OF US
Best Cycling Advocate: Rider who gets people enthused about the bike. Seth
Best Club: Best parties? Most open door? Best group rides? You make the call. Orange/Ironfly. (Dead Heat).
South Bay Hardman: Rider who brings the pain. The Bull
South Bay Hardwoman: Rider who brings the pain. Suzanne
KOM: Best male clumber. Stathis
QOM: Best female clumber. Tink
Best Cycling Sponsor: Puts their money where our mouths are. Spy, Spy, and Spy.
Good Samaritan Award: There for you when you need it even when you don’t deserve it. Gerald Iacono
Strava Champion: Lives for those little crowns. MMX–Although he DOES really ride AND Really Race, too.
Most Ancient Rider: Father or Mother Time. Tim Gillibrand. Hell, name the award after him.
South Bay Junior of the Year: Young pup who’s already schooling the old school. Jules
Rider I’d Most Like to Get Stuck Next to on a 100-Miler: Self-explanatory. G$. Never stops smiling, and always waits.
Crashtacular Award: Biggest, gnarliest, non-fatal crash. Wheatgrass 3 weeks ago. 10 riders, 2 ambulances. ALL lanes covered.
Ride Animator Award: Rider who always keeps things “interesting.” The Flying Wheelie himself, Gus Bayle.
Freddy Freeloader Purple Card dis-Award: Rider who contributes the least. THEY know full well who they are.
M
Humanitarian award nomination. Sounds like Mike has a lock on this one but I would like to add a vote. I (an unknoun , non racing rider) flatted coming down from the domes. Got the “you all right?” from many riders. I said yes, I have everything and I thought I looked capable of dealing, but all of a sudden I had a pit crew of four people. 2 were club mates, 1 girl in a NPR jersey, and Mike. My club mates are not SB riders, Don’t know the Girls name so that leaves Mike.
Thanks Wheatgrass riders
There are lots of Good Bike Samaritans out there, but no one stops more, helps more, does more than Mike Norris. Other guys who will invariably stop to help are Craig Leeuwenburgh, Bob Spalding, Gerald Iacono … they’ve been around the block a few thousand times and never leave someone in distress.
I nominate Robert Frank for being an ok cyclist, but an amazing Hero…serving in harms way in Kuwait. Should he ride a bike with NPR kit and sends photos, earns an award for the Most Remote Wanker…CHEERS & safe return!
He’s a lock!
I second.
I humbly nominate myself for a ‘Wanky Award’ in the category of “Worst (Cycling Related) Animated Short Film(s) – Of All Time, This Year, 35+”.
It was a funny ass video series. More, please!