My first strip club

January 21, 2014 § 12 Comments

I had never been to a strip club before this year. You can laugh, or disbelieve, or whatever, but it’s still true. In fact, after hearing some friends talk about their most recent visit to a strip club, I went home and looked up the word “lap dance.” It’s not that I’m a prude, or a Puritan, or averse to naked women. The one time I came closest to going to a strip club was when a former employer, after getting terribly drunk, drove me all over Long Beach looking for one. He couldn’t find it, and I went home as unexperienced as when the day had begun.

All that changed a couple of weeks ago, when I was in Palm Desert with my bike racing team. I finally got to go to a strip club with the guys, even though my wife was back in the hotel room.

It was awesome.

This gal was gorgeous

The stripper was performing in our own reserved room. What was even more awesome was that she was so freaking gorgeous she had a handler. They wouldn’t even let this gal out by herself, she was so smoking hot. I suppose they assumed, correctly, that anyone this drop-dead sexy would drive a roomful of testosterone-crazed men into a frenzy.

I was mesmerized when the handler introduced her, even though her name was kind of weird. “Okay, folks,” he said. “Here she is — feast your eyes on — Miss Propel.” He gently removed her clothing, which was kind of this big black sheet thing. It was incredible.

Her curves were so firm that every guy in the room could imagine himself pushing her as hard as he could without fear of doing any damage at all. Her handler confirmed it. “You can ride this baby all day long … if you’ve got it in you!”

Her proportions were perfect. Not too long, not too short, not too heavy, not too light, firm but responsive, able to lead you when necessary yet also willing to go where you wanted to take her with just the slightest and most subtle of touches.

The heavy disco beat in the background, the dimmed lights, the spotlight shining on her gorgeous front end, and the roomful of excited guys brought the whole thing to a fever pitch. Suddenly one guy stood up, intoxicated from one drink too many, and staggered to the front with a five-dollar-bill. He madly tried to stuff it into her seat, but the handler pushed him away.

Another guy dropped to his knees and begged for a lap dance, waving a fresh Ben Franklin. He fell back into his chair and the handler brought Miss Propel over, placing her gently on his thighs. She was light as a feather, and he groaned. “I gotta have her between my legs,” he pleaded. The handler snatched her away.

“She’s not for sale today. You’ll have to put in an order and get in line.”

I was so overcome with the moment that I reached out and tried to stroke her cups. “Get your nasty hands off her bottom,” shouted the handler, who led her back up to the front.

“She’s your dream girl,” he said with a sly grin. “Light, quick, responsive, strong, willing, sleek, and so much better than any you’ve ridden before.”

His words froze me. Wordlessly, I got up and went back to my hotel room.


She was waiting for me when I got back, and she knew something had happened. I looked at her critically. She hadn’t changed at all. She still had the same perfect proportions that had made me fall in love in the first place. Sure, she wasn’t as young as the new girl, but since when does any man who knows anything judge a woman solely by her age? I touched her and felt her, just as firm and strong as ever.

Why had I been so tempted by Miss Propel, when I had this beauty waiting for me back in my very own room? I thought about the times we’d spent together. Some of it had been rough sledding, more than a few rocky roads when I thought about some of our trips to North County San Diego in April. But most of the time it had been magical, climbing on her back and gliding down or flying up — even the times when she’d wound up on top I’d never been much the worse for wear.

And I was going to trade her in for someone new with a fancier set of wheels and a racier lifestyle? Was I that much of a cad? Willing to consign this elegant lady who’d stood by me through thick and through thin just because some handler got me all hot and bothered with promises of excitement?

I stroked her seat and smiled. Our love was old, perhaps, but it was part of me. I ran a cloth over her chain and sprinkled her links with a few dabs of lube. I could feel her wanting me, begging me to throw a leg over. “I’m too tipsy now,” I said. “Just wait ’til tomorrow morning, okay?”


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§ 12 Responses to My first strip club

  • Rodley says:

    A True Masterpiece, WM!

  • Peter Schindler says:

    Everyone knows that the right number of bikes is all that you have plus one. It is okay to lust after Miss Propel.

  • Tom FitzGibbon says:

    A very subtle way to convince Mrs. WM you have not been a regular at the various Gentlemen’s Clubs across the land 🙂 I thought you took a tax deduction for those expenses for the book….
    The fact is that for most of us is that no matter what bike we are on, given the realistic alternatives, the place in any race is the same. I love my LaGrange Cannondales and they are awesome and a great value. I’m sure the Giant Propel is a great bike as well, especially if you get it free or on a pro deal. Watts are not bought they are earned. Someday I hope to have time to earn mine. Maybe when college for the girls is paid for. They are not yet 7. Is there a 70+ category?

  • Crashgybe says:

    Nice piece. The Tuesday before last I was admiring a Propel being put through her paces by one of your Team mates. Another bloke I don’t know either, but who I later learned is John Davey(?). I was too busy puking up a lung every time he waved me through to pull, to be able to say nice looking ride. Anyway, as much as she is a looker, I love my BH. But there is always bike porn. Here’s hoping it doesn’t move to Vegas!

  • Rob says:

    I have never been to a strip club as well, but they were certainly much better back in the late 90’s…less restrictions on lap dances. Just what I heard. For an even better time, go to the clubs that don’t serve alcohol. The girls are just a bit more on the wild side. Again, just what I heard.

  • Bruce Keno says:

    Your good man….LOL!!!

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