Antisocial media

February 9, 2014 § 25 Comments

My Facebook addiction is terrible. I waste hours each day reading the posts of others, commenting, and starting my own inane threads. Whether it’s at work, at home, or on the road, I constantly check my notifications, messages, timeline, and newsfeed. Why?

I don’t know. You might as well ask why people do meth or ride their bikes.

Like any good addict, I know I have a problem, and like any good addict I decided to take the bull by the horns, defeat my addiction, and take control of my life. However, addicts are not stupid, so they always begin with things that have little or nothing to do with their addiction. It’s like the drunk who throws away his stamp collection, a token sacrifice to protect him from dealing with the 800-lb. bottle of vodka in the room.

For the last few months I’ve stopped using Strava. Mind you, I was never hooked on Strava like I’m hooked on FB. For me, it was always a way to log miles and occasionally compare a “hard” ride against other fast times on the leader board of a segment. My presence on Strava has always been anemic — good placings on some segments, hardly any KOM’s, and no really big rides to impress anybody.

Worse, I never really got into the whole “check out everyone else” thing that makes Strava so popular. I’ve always known who can kick my ass and who can’t, and watching the exploits of some wanker who sets a KOM with wind assist, moto assist, teammate assist, and every other cheap trick in the book never meant anything to me; nor did those endless strings of KOM’s that people create so that they and only they can hold the title.

In other words, it was easy to kill my Strava account after letting it lie dormant for a few months … or so I thought.

When it came time to actually delete the account, I got a warning message to this effect: “This action cannot be reversed. By deleting your account you will lose all data, including KOM’s and your position on all leader boards.”

“Oh my dog!” I thought. “If I actually hit the delete button, will I still exist?”

It was like having someone threaten to remove all my DNA, or to take away my high school diploma. My past and the cycling data set that defines my existence was about to be erased. I couldn’t do it. I logged out of Strava and had a few beers, then a few more, then some dessert, then a nightcap beer, and went to bed.

The next day I woke up, grimly aware of what lay ahead. I logged onto Strava, went through the settings, and came to the delete screen. Like a Mafia hit man with his prey lying face down on the landing of the dirty apartment building, I took the equivalent of the pistol and placed it at the back of Strava’s head. Bap, bap, bap. Take that, bitch.

The next morning was Saturday. I got on my bike and had a good ride.

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§ 25 Responses to Antisocial media

  • Nealio says:

    Next step – deactivating the FB account?

  • billius says:

    Don’t you need Strava for the BWR?

  • Deb says:

    You are quite obviously not an anal retentive engineer…. all that data, gone? Yikes!!!

    • fsethd says:

      It’s like I don’t exist anymore. Except … I do!

      • Deb says:

        Well of course you still exist! 🙂 It’s the data which does not. And once you release it into the wild – the data, that is – it becomes part of the community of data, all intertwined and such. Not quite along the lines in severity as a rip in the space/time continuum, but in the world of shared data it does create a small hole when you pull that data out. Those whose data intersected in some way with yours in the past no longer share that intersection. It may not be at all significant. Or it may.

  • O.G. says:

    Hey Wankster, what’s your facebook account name so I can send you a friend request? Seriously. I wanna see your ride pics.

  • Stefanovich says:

    I did the same a year ago, felt great. I saved bwr and my most prized kom; only to rejoin a year later on a mission to smash ‘strava athletes’ PRs. I use it only to track my training and that of my competitors. I dont have FB. congrats on cutting the cord…

  • Sr Geezer Johan says:

    What’s a Strava or FB?

    • fsethd says:

      Strava is an Internet program that helps you feel good about the fact that you’re not any good.

      Facebook is an Internet program that helps you build friendships with people you will never meet.

  • PT says:

    And so, back to the Vodka?

  • Crashgybe says:

    I am a stravaddict. Btw, I only use the car for KOM’s. Saves on all that messy blood, sweat and tears.

    • fsethd says:

      Moto is better. Easier to get the speed just right — fast enough to take the KOM, not too fast to get flagged.

  • SBA says:

    I thought Strava was Swedish for I am still relevant.

  • jorgensen says:

    During a previous phone software update that did not take and required a full reload of the system, reloading the strava software was on the to do list. I still have not.

  • Sausage says:

    I have remained silent on this topic long enough.

    You’re taking this shit way too far, Wanky. I’m tired of you selfishly thinking about yourself, and ignoring OUR needs. Yes, US – the wankers who selflessly read your free blog that you spend no more than 20 minutes a day to write.

    Get rid of Strava? Umm, NO THANK YOU. Without Strava, how else would WE (your loyal, almost entirely freeloading readers) have been treated with the tale of travesty that was Spencer Yee stealing your Backyard KOM? And then the assemblage of local rider firepower to take it back? THAT STORY NEEDED TO BE TOLD!

    Delete Facebook? NEGATIVE. Excuse me, but without Facebook, where are WE to read your drunken tirades against the gun nuts? (including the loveable gun nuts, like Foxy) And remember, without Facebook, WE would not have been educated to the fact that the best way to learn how to negotiate a >40mph field sprint is to attend a cyclocross training camp. Remember that one? WE NEED THIS INFORMATION!

    Please stop considering YOUR desire to lead a healthy, productive, balanced life and consider the effect your actions will have on US!!! This is not cool!

    PS See you at the Pier tomorrow – let’s talk Drunkfest.

    • fsethd says:

      Best comment ever.

      Tomorrow morning I’ll be at the Santa Monica courthouse, trying to preserve the essential liberties of one of the Yeomen of the South Bay, a titan who has been wrongfully accused of a traffic infraction on PCH while lawfully riding in the lane.

      We’re prepared to take this one all the way to Supreme Court.

      • Sausage says:

        Absence excused. Let us know how the magistrate rules. Through all available social media channels of course. Thx.

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