Top pro surprised that time on front doesn’t lead to win at Tirenno-Adriatico

March 16, 2014 § 21 Comments

Richie Porte, the leader for Team Sky at Tirenno-Adriatico, expressed surprise today that his race tactics did not result in a stage win atop the climb to Selvarotonda. “I was on the front for most of the climb,” said Porte, in disbelief. “I was killing those guys.”

Alberto Contador, winner of the day’s stage, couldn’t explain the result either. “You know, Richie was up there on the front of the group, just drilling it really hard into a huge headwind up a very long and challenging climb. It’s hard to understand how he didn’t win.” Contador was seen shortly after the interview high-fiving his teammates on the bus and grinning slyly at his team director.

Overall leader Michal Kwiatkowski, who finished the stage with what analysts believe is an unsurmountable 34-second lead over Porte, was also at a loss to explain the outcome. “Richie was favored to win the race, and on the decisive climbing stage we were all sure he would win, the way he sat very impressively on the front for such a long time into such a bitter headwind with no teammates to help him and all of us in the leader’s group on his wheel like that. But somehow he lost.”

Second-place finisher Nairo Quintana was likewise mystified by Porte’s failure to win the stage and take control of the race despite his clever tactical riding. “We were all telling him, you know, ‘Wow, Richie, you’re killing us, dude,’ and ‘I’m cracking, I can barely hang on,’ and stuff like that, but then somehow just towards the end we all felt better and were able to pass him and put a lot of time on him. It’s weird. He was riding so strong and we were all so, how you say, in the box of hurt?”

Porte concurred with Quintana’s analysis. “It’s fuggin’ weird. Every time I looked back they had these faces that were filled with pain, awful grimaces, you know? And their shoulders were drooping and they were making loud breathing noises. I had ’em, I had ’em, I swear. Then, poof! We get about one kilometer out and suddenly everybody takes off and there I was, even though I’d done all the work, I couldn’t go with them. After pulling them up the climb like that you would have thought that they would at least have waited for me,” Porte added with a slight show of frustration. “It’s almost like they were playing me. If we weren’t all such good pals, I don’t know.”

Teammate Bradley “Wiggo” Wiggins was nonetheless upbeat at Porte’s chances on Sunday’s last mountain stage. “He’ll just have to hammer from the gun,” said Wiggo. “Tire ’em out from the start, maybe take a little breather if he can, and then go right back to the front and drop the hammer on the climb. Ride ’em off ‘is wheel. That’s the ticket, just like it was a triathlon, full fuggin’ gas from the get-go. They won’t know what hit ’em, especially at the end when they hit the Muro di Guardiagrele with its 30% ramp.”

After the award ceremony, the top finishers congratulated Porte on his outstanding ride, saying “You were a beast,” and “I hope you don’t hammer us like that tomorrow. We won’t stand a chance!”


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§ 21 Responses to Top pro surprised that time on front doesn’t lead to win at Tirenno-Adriatico

  • spinner says:

    It’s hard NOT to hate Contador. I have trouble accepting anything he does now as on the up-and-up. Sly grins exchanged between him and his DS doesn’t help……

  • Bob says:

    Porte: “It’s almost like they were playing me”. Ya Think?

  • Peter Schindler says:

    Pretty damn funny!

  • Confused Stage Loser says:

    Bike racing tactics…I don’t get it? Is there a class I can take somewhere?

    • fsethd says:

      Ha, ha!

    • Erik says:

      That course could be helpful for the writers at cyclingnews who said: “With the race leader nearly safe, and the line fast approaching, it was Porte who took the race by the scruff of the neck.” And that’s NOT satire.

      • fsethd says:

        Unfortunately for Porte, the race was not a puppy, but rather a raging crocodile, who devoured him whole. Following day he didn’t start because of “illness.”


        • Confused Stage Loser says:

          Yeah, his illness was confirmed-stupid pill syndrome. Crying shame I tell you.

      • Confused Stage Loser says:

        Bike racing journalism…I don’t get? Why would Poor Richie want to go to the front and do all the work the other team? But cycling news commended Richie for doing just that! Are they passing out ‘stupid pills’ at these events?

  • It’s ok to pull that hard in traing or a team ride but not ok in a race. He popped, he should have played Contador. Better luck next time El Fuerte.

  • sibex9591 says:

    Wanker is as wanker does. And then to follow up the next day with DNS “I am not feeling well”. Oh the pain.

    • fsethd says:

      My froo-froo got a hurtie-hurtie. So I didn’t start.

      They took him away in the whaaaaambulance.

      • Confused Stage Loser says:

        Did they give a baby dinghy when they
        Put him in the whaaambulance? Poor Richie(stupid bastard), he was so confused by how his riding buddies treated him on that climb. Now all he wants to do is take his bike and go home 😂

  • Liz says:

    You are all so bitter and cruel.

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