South Bay form report: He’s such a Dahl

Now that the ‘cross season is underway, we need to take a moment to do a sack check of who’s doing what to whom.

  1. The ‘cross stage is set for October 12, when the first SPY Cyclocross beatdown of 2014 will take place in Chino, which promises to be blistering hot, challenging, and the best excuse we’ve had all year to hang out with friends and drink copious quantities of liquid sandwiches. The SPY Cyclocross series is sanctioned by USA Cycling, which means that riders can earn points that let them stage towards the front of the field at nationals, rather than having to sink down to their necks in the mud and muck of 155th place at the starting line.
  2. You can’t talk about cyclocross in SoCal without talking about Ryan Dahl. He’ll be on hand at the SPY race in Chino, ready to dole out a major serving of whup-ass to anyone in the 35+ A category. He’ll be joined by David MacNeal and Garnet Vertican, two cyclocrossers who have been on exceptionally good form. However well any of these wankers do, I plan to drink them under the flyover afterwards.
  3. Talk of cyclocross naturally leads to conversations of insanity, poor judgment, and the 2015 most-likely-to-die-on-a-bike award. This, in turn, leads to discussions about the recent KOM set by the Wily Greek on Tuna Canyon. For those who aren’t “in the know,” Tuna Canyon is a very long, exceedingly steep death-climb in the Santa Monica Mountains that can only be climbed on a narrow, twisting road while salmoning. Half the achievement is doing the climb, the other half is not getting splatted by terrified motorists in full sphincter-clench mode who see bicyclists going the wrong way up the one-way road. Anyway, it’s a legendary climb and Wily has carved his initials on that particular mule’s behind.
  4. Local South Bay wanker Carey Downs a/k/a Tumbleweed pulled off his first ‘cross win of the year last weekend in Long Beach, beating a field of dead people in the 55+ category. He received the much sought after Long Beach victory cup, a chalice filled with mercury, cadmium, and a choice selection of other minerals found in the local water supply.
  5. No South Bay form report would be complete without an update on the status of Prez, recently returned from a grueling work schedule just in time to miss all the races and begin training for the high point of his year: The off-season of 2014. He’s already begun gym workouts, track sessions, and 140-mile fatburner days in the big ring, and judging from the 347.9 donuts he was carrying in his skinsuit when I saw him on Sunday, he’ll need every one of those miles and then some. Of course it has been a sad and boring year on the local group rides without Prez to run into the occasional parked car, but his return will keep everyone on their toes. Welcome back!!

PS: Don’t miss any of the races in the SPYclocross Series — details below.

SPYclocross Series
SPYclocross Series

12 thoughts on “South Bay form report: He’s such a Dahl”

  1. What is the name of the Strava segment for the La Tuna climb referenced in the article and what town does it start in? Sounds like fun.

    1. It is in Malibu. It is called Tuna Canyon.

      Don’t do it. Seriously. You have to climb 20% grades on a road wide enough for one small car, and you’re illegally going against traffic. It’s not worth the risk.

      Even descending it is a bad idea. Please don’t.

    1. Jumping out of an airplane without a parachute is safer than jumping into the core of a nuclear reactor.

    2. Can we agree that going town Tuna is safer without the prospect of coming around a blind corner and finding a cyclist going up Tuna occupying your exit line?

      1. Yes, but after today’s descent from Sullivan Ridge down to the old Nazi camp, I’m never going to talk again about hairy descents. We’ll need a wire brush to clean out my chamois, I fear.

  2. FSD, XNats are in Austin this winter, remember? The chances of anything remotely resembling mud or muck being within a thousand klicks is slim. Dust, certainly. Broken glass, OK. But mud? I don’t think so.

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