10 awesome cycling resolutions you can actually keep for 2015

Okay, now that you’ve ditched all those un-fun resolutions that you were never going to do anyway, we can focus on making 2015 the best year ever for your profamateur cycling career. There is at least one thing on this list you can do, guaranteed.

  1. Remember & do. Think back about what it was that got you into cycling. Remember that awesome thing you experienced, whatever it was? Go out and do a ride like that.
  2. Put a name to that face. You know that wanker/wankette who you see on lots of the group rides but whose name you don’t know? Guess what — a person’s name is the most important and beautiful word in the world to her. Learn it. Say it. Remember it. Chances are that she will say your favorite word in the world back to you.
  3. Ride a bike with your S/O. Notice I said “ride a bike,” not “go cycling.” This means several things: No lycra. No bike that you can resell on Craigslist for more than $75. Sneakers or flip-flops. Max speed 11 mph. The ride must also have a point that has nothing to do with riding, i.e. coffee, ice cream, or your favorite S&M clothing shop.
  4. Pet a baby seal. Remember how you used to show up at your first group rides? Palms sweating. Chamois already anointed with a stray pellet of poop. No sleep the night before. Everyone looked like a top profamateur. Everyone knew everyone … except you. Next time you’re at a ride, find the baby seal and give it a pet. It will love you forever and may even follow you home.
  5. Share a secret tip. Oh, come on. You’ve got a bunch of them. So what if they don’t really work? Better yet, so what if they do? Pull aside your favorite wanker on the next ride and share the secret tip. One time Douggie even told me his secret chain-cleaning trick. I caught hell for putting it in the dishwasher, but it sure came out clean.
  6. Wave or say “hi.” On one of your 359 rides in 2015, pretend that one of them isn’t the most important training ride you’ve ever done, upon which your entire profamateur + Strava legacy will depend. Then, on that one ride, wave at someone. It can be anyone. Another rider, a pedestrian, a jogger, a cager, or one of the guys doing yardwork in PV. Yeah, they will smile and wave back because — newsflash! — they’re people, too! Then you can go back to your crucial training.
  7. Pick and give. Select five cycling items you haven’t used since ’79 (but not that wool jersey with the moth holes the size of Dallas and the green mold on the armpits). Put it on Craigslist or eBay for one cent. Someone will not only want it, they will actually use it. Done.
  8. Ride and de-load. Take a fantastic ride and refuse to upload it to Strava. Better yet, do the whole ride without a Garmin or iPhone ride app. I know that’s asking a lot …
  9. Learn your history. Buy a book about cycling and read it, preferably something that includes the words “Merckx” and “Roubaix.”
  10. Eat a cheeseburger. See? I told you there was one resolution on this list you could keep.

There you have it — a slew of wholesome cycling activities plus a cheeseburger. It’s gonna be a great year.



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58 thoughts on “10 awesome cycling resolutions you can actually keep for 2015”

  1. One item you mentioned in another post was to bring some extra food or a spare tube in case someone else needed it. This one comes to mind nearly every time I head out. Nearly.

  2. Sr Geezer Johan

    OK. OK. Take care of the baby seals. Got it. Help raise them. Groom them. Name them. Look out for them. Teach them to be valuable members of the peloton. Give them hope. Then we club them??

  3. Great list. When I first started cycling in decades past, all cyclists gave a small wave to each other. It was an acknowledgment that we are all in the same boat and it didn’t matter if you were a pro or a novice, it was just a simple bonding moment.

  4. Wave or at least a purposeful nod, sometimes you should keep both hands on the bars. I have noted there are a bunch of worried riders out there, every training ride must be treated like a breakaway it seems.

    1. Because if they acknowledge someone else it would mean they aren’t serious, and hence aren’t true profamateurs.

  5. Carry tubes with 60mm stems (or an extender) even if you don’t need them- can’t tell you how many times I’ve offered a tube they couldn’t use to my rich, flatted, friends with their million-dollar higher-than-high profile carbon rims.

  6. If you are an American and don’t know who Major Taylor was, then, there’s your first cycling history book.

    Some forget how old the sport is and digging into cycling lore helps. Most should get a new appreciation of how short races are in 2014/15 when compared to the 1970’s and earlier.

    And no, your ride with your S/O is not a “recovery ride.”

    Great post.

    1. Major Taylor was THE maaaan.

      I think this should be viewable though it has nothing to do with Major Taylor. https://www.dropbox.com/s/wcn5cmlrcbzcvnf/SKMBT_C284e14010613290_0001.jpg?dl=0
      An image from 30’s when Velodromes were a lot more popular and located in many places devoid of them now. This one was Nutley, NJ and is an auto-graphed picture from Bill Honeman in his Stars and Stripes Jersey. http://classiccycleus.com/home/bill-honeman/

      There is a development team in NYC that is named for MT. Whenever I ride the NJ Pallisades I always run into a few of them.

      1. We have a huge club in SoCal and NorCal called “Major Motion,” named after Major Taylor.

  7. I do love me a cheeseburger and I don’t even know what Strava is, and my wife does not even like bikes so I’ve got most of these working for me!!!

  8. Packing an extra tube for the forlorn is good.

    Also, pack an energy gel or bar for some poor bonkee in desperate need of a refuel. Also, either could be life-saving for a diabetic caught out on the road in desperate need of a blood sugar fix.

    1. And condoms. Don’t forget to ride without condoms. You never know when you’ll hit a crack.

  9. I got one!

    11. Give someone else the rIght of way at a 4-way intersection. OK I know some would never be on the road solo, but for some that are.

      1. Except at nationals two years ago when the whole SPY team got up on the sidewalk. Benders got a tad testy.

  10. 12. Ride a bike in another country. It’s amazing what you can see, smell and the people you can meet on a ride in unfamiliar territory.

  11. I rode my ’87 bike yesterday on the road. Brake cables exposed like some retrogrouch photo from that decade. It was just as much fun…no strave, no computer, no carbon. Just Fun.

    1. You are the last person in California who needs to “remember why you started riding.” You remember it every time you pedal!

      Also, exposed brake cables are very retro fashionable. I know you will hate being stylish, but there you have it.

      1. The claws are sharp on this one and his clubs are currently slathered in seal carcass, dear readers. Do not let him fool you.

        1. There were some fresh pelts harvested this morning on the L&T Ride. Thank dog for tentative rulings where appearance is waived.

      2. I currently have 2 spots available in the SausageWagon™ to the Simi Ride this Saturday. Yes, the Donut and Dogtown are great, but Simi will vanish soon, like the seasonal flower that it is.

        1. Rumor has it that the world famous French Toast Ride will be taking place that day. Trading in my club for a seal outfit.

  12. I’m so down with ride and de-load. I run Pandora instead of Strava. I lost a Kom and didn’t even care. Freedom!

  13. After sponging off countless others over the years I resolve to buy and share a gallon of water in 2015.

  14. Wise words to live by, how quickly the Freddy/Seal days are forgotten.

    But I always question myself whether I truly left those days, perception is key…

  15. #6. This morning I greeted a homeless man on Esplanade. He said hi back and told me I was the first person to say a word to him today. We then wished each other a good day. All this easy, nice, good in 4.7 seconds and I know it made a big difference in this guys outlook.

  16. Great list! My personal resolution is to have fun every time I throw my leg over a bike in 2015. Even if 1 our buddies continually drops us when we think he’s going up the road to pee during a camp I will stop when he flats & lend a hand as I always carry & long tube, a boot, a valve extender, & a chain tool with a few links. Oh and I will gladly skip any climb so that we can get back to someplace with a cheeseburger quicker! Man it’s going to be a banner year!

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