You can’t say that, No. 5

Are you sure you’re the guy asking to be allowed to have your ban lifted so you can compete?

“I would probably do it again.” Lance Armstrong, affirming that if given the choice to do it over, he would take drugs and cheat. BBC Sport, Jan. 26, 2015.

How much is a dozen, again?

“I was an asshole to a dozen people.” Lance Armstrong, reflecting on his bad behavior while apparently forgetting that he had duped millions of cancer survivors and millions of cycling fans. BBC Sport, Jan. 26, 2015.

Which is frankly better than the Crazy Bitch from Hell spigot.

“When the going gets tough, he turns on the charm.” Betsy Andreu, on her contempt for Lance’s attempts rehabilitate himself. BBC Sport, Jan. 27, 2015.

That’s why we’ve created http://www.getlanceanewjacketandpairofshoes.com; PayPal accepted.

“But when I saw him last year, he was alone, he was badly dressed, he avoided eye contact, he didn’t seem happy.” Christophe Bassons, former Lance victim, reflecting on the fallen hero’s demeanor and embarrassing couture. BBC Sport, Jan. 27, 2015.

END

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24 thoughts on “You can’t say that, No. 5”

  1. Well, I still thrill to watch LA fly up the mountains on my DVDs and don’t even feel remotely cheated. Go all out he did with whatever it took. Too bad that “Power corrupts and absolute power…etc”.

    And as to the Crazy Bitch from Hell, it is sort of sad that her life is built around hate and anger towards one man. “Hell hath no fury…” Wonder what happened back there.

    Always appreciate your views Herr Wank. Many thanks for your column.

    1. Welcome! Betsy is stuck at the point in time when she was betrayed and misused by a bad dude. She’ll get over it when she’s dead.

  2. I think there is one thing we can all agree on he wanted to win at all costs, and not only that he actually went out and did it.

    With that kind of mentality I just think he is being completely honest with himself and the world.

    Even though I think he was to a degree the subject of a witch hunt, I don’t think he will get a reduction in the ban and I think that’s probably what he believes himself, so what does he have to loose.

    1. I love the idea that he, Betsy, Walsh, Kimmage, McQuaid, Landis, Lemond, and all the sundry players will be sniping and arguing about it as long as I’m alive.

    2. Oh, I don’t know if that’s the only thing we can agree on. I think we pretty much also all agree that he’s a drug cheat and a bit of an asshole.

      It’s a pity he’s now turning into such a whiney bastard now. Move on Lance.

      1. Well, staring for 24 hours a day at seven yellow jerseys that are no longer technically yours can be a tad stressful.

  3. Lance Armstrong changed my life. He got me excited about cycling and because of him I am a cyclist today and a fan of CitSB. Was he a douche? Yeah. I still owe him big time. And Betsy? Poor Betsy would be nobody if not for Lance. So she owes him, too.

    1. Another thing we can all agree on is Betsy would have preferred to live in relative anonymity of being just Mrs. Andrew.

      1. I disagree. She relishes the attention. Why else would she keep at it? Her 15 minutes came and went.

        1. Hell hath no fury like the wife of an ex-doper spurned in a hospital room by a guy having his testicle removed.

      2. But then she woke up one day and saw that she was the one who wore the testicles in the family, and it was “Game on!”

  4. Too bad we’ll never know how he would have done had he not doped. Maybe he’d have still been a champ amongst the field of dopers.

    1. Yes; early in his career he showed fabulous promise in the mountains with respect to Indurain, Rominger, Zulle et al. And that was when he was still being slowed down by Testosterone, HGH and amphetimines. Had he been completely clean he would have ripped their legs off.

  5. Now that we know you’re an established doper Wanky, I just hope that you won’t be (so) mean to Betsy.

      1. One of my biggest things I learned from this blog is that cheaters put water in their water bottles. I never knew this was such a problem. Now I know and thank you for the 411 on it.

        1. Cheaters also ride clean. Clean riding is actually faster than doping, so (and this is counterintuitive but for $2.99 I can explain it to you), if you want to ride “clean” you have to dope, and if you want to “dope” you have to ride clean. I have a software program for it ($2.99/mo., PayPal is fine).

  6. LA said he wouldn’t dope in 2015 if he was still racing?! I’m putting my yellow wrist band back on

    1. I’m going to reattach the wrist I cut off when he broke up with Betsy. And THEN put a band on it.

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