Why were you going so slow?

May 23, 2015 § 19 Comments

Everything has to fall into place:

  • The Wily Greek was off to do the Mt. Hamilton Liver Rip-Out road race.
  • Destroyer had been off the bike for five weeks.
  • Frenchy #1 was MIA after the Torrance Crit manglefest.
  • Strava Jr. was taking time off after being run over.
  • The previous week had been graduation, so everyone was partied out.
  • I was fresh, having rested for three days.
  • I’m down 14 pounds from December.
  • I never took a pull.

When Frenchy #2 went, I followed but never came through.

When DudeChick went, I never even thought about coming through.

At the base of the Switchbacks Frenchy #2 blasted off.

Sausage, who had tried to prolong his time with the leaders by imitating my wheelsuckery, was immolated, instantly.

Each time I glued up to Frenchy #2’s wheel, he would rest, then attack again, harder. You can do that when you’re 22.

Halfway up the Switchbacks I looked back from my group of five and saw Sausage, a tiny speck of Speck, perfecting his power profile.

Frenchy #2 finally cracked after his seventh frenzied acceleration.

We were all gassed, and the goup slowed. Behind us the field was naught but splinters of shrapnel and spent shell casings.

Uglypedal towed me, DudeChick, and Destroyer up to the college.

Sausage got to within fifty yards, then stalled as if a giant artillery shell had flung itself down his throat.

For the first time all morning I punched it, gingerly, and shed Destroyer as Uglypedal raised the white flag.

I’ve never shed Destroyer before.

DudeChick came by. He weighs 120 lbs.

I compressed and hunkered onto his wheel.

I’ve never kept him company past the little wall leading up Crest, but I did today.

He unloaded the minenwerfers, the 5.9’s, the Maxims, the giant field guns, and finally the poison gas shells.

But I hung on because I knew that even though he is only 27 and I am 51, and neither one of us can sprunt, he can sprunt somewhat less than I can.

With 200m to go I took my second faceful of wind for the day and got to the top first.

On the descent I regained breath, vision, and the palpitations slowed.

In the parking lot at the college I waited for the inevitable adulation and recognition for this, the greatest ride of my life.

Sausage arrived much later, appearing from his distant time zone. “Dude,” he said. “Why were you guys going so slow?”



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§ 19 Responses to Why were you going so slow?

  • Crashgybe says:

    I resemble that title!

  • dan martin says:

    Dude, thats 2 consecutive weeks you’ve won the1st domes…not like I’m keeping track or anything but there ya go. Prettt nice riding for a wanker.

  • DBrauch says:

    If it’s not on strava it didn’t happen

    • fsethd says:

      If Sausage doesn’t diss it, it doubly didn’t happen!

    • Sausage™ says:

      Ahhh, but it IS on Strava. Well at least some of it.

      As I solo’d up the Switchbacks to your lead group of of four, I thought “Man these guys really are taking it easy before Barry Wolfe tomorrow if my sorry ass can catch them!”

      Then I remembered that the climb continues up to the Domes without the old stop at the top of the Switchbacks. Dammit.

      • fsethd says:

        Interesting that that you thought we were taking it easy after being dropped.

      • fsethd says:

        And that you thought repeated attacks followed by decelerations are evidence of going easy.

      • Sausage™ says:

        My comments were meant as a compliment! I know I have no business climbing anywhere near you or the Destroyer. I was pretty shocked to be with you at the top of the Switchbacks, even though I had emptied the tank to do it while you four were just warming up for the 2nd half up the Domes.

        Like I said, I have no idea how fast you guys rode the 2nd half to the Domes, as I sat up right at the beginning steep section, watching you all ride away to duke it out.

        Your version of the story is a lot more interesting anyways! I probably need to take a time out from Internet commenting for a while, including on triathlon forums.

        • fsethd says:

          Your VdM workouts are paying off, and your Internet commenting intervals are, too. The Slowtwitch non-troversy generated about 10,000 hits over here, and another 20,000 when the tri-dorks read my fake Sagan interview and passed it on to others as legit.

          Still giggling.

  • Jeff M says:

    That’s what 14lbs lighter and Daniel Holloway riding advice will get you- 2 consecutive wins on the dome! Nice going bro!
    Btw I cook but I draw the line there; no spooning, buddy. A man’s got to know his limitations! Ha!

  • Hello fsethd-san and All,

    Way to go!!

    Now if only you could swim and run ………….



    +1 mph Faster

  • dangerstu says:

    Can I get your Chinese contact info?

  • Winemaker says:

    Slow is relative. Slow is how fast I drove home from the Klasna’s last night, after being force fed several (many) glasses of red wine (in the name of transparency..we did bring a couple ourselves).
    Fast is how quickly i was reaching for the Alleve this morning.
    Good luck on the road today; It is raining here, and I am staying inside, by the fire, awaiting the arrival of another old friend who is a, er, um, ‘lawyer’.

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