German team caught doping red-handed


The entire German national Volkswagen team was caught doping earlier this week, but unlike their cycling compatriots, rather than blaming it on a vanishing twin or a tainted supplement, they confessed to having intentionally doped their diesel cages to evade  emissions regulations in the U.S. and in other nations, including Germany. Team leader Martin Winterkorn resigned today, taking full responsibility for cheating.

Unlike his Gerolsteiner compatriots, rather than disbanding the team and handing out two-year bans, Team Volkswagen will continue operations after pledging a “completely transparent investigation” and “full cooperation with the authorities.” These are  the same authorities they have systematically lied to and cheated since 2009.

If you haven’t already heard, Team VW tested positive for Chinese computer coding that allowed their environmentally friendly, clean running diesels to spew 40 times more filth into the air than the law allows. Suckers, I mean consumers, who purchased these enviro-friendly cages paid a premium and now will be selling at a loss. In addition to fraud, breach of contract, breach of the implied covenant of good faith and fair dealing, the Consumers Legal Remedies Act, civil fraud, and possibly violations of the Rees-Levering Act, Team Clean Diesel will certainly face class action litigation, federal and state fines, and possible criminal charges as well.

Skeptics believe that other cage manufacturers will soon be caught up in the cage doping scandal, particularly those who make diesel engines.

Contrast the high crimes and misdemeanors of the cage industry and its lethal ignition lock flaws, transmissions that suddenly shift into reverse, “unsafe at any speed” Corvairs, exploding Pintos, pickups with exploding gas tanks, defective tires, and now, intentional pollution of the air, with the bicycle industry.

Pretty quick comparison.

I hope these dopers get what’s coming to them.



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19 thoughts on “German team caught doping red-handed”

      1. That was my point – sorry, I was too obtuse. It was a cry of bewildered pain: “Say it ain’t so, Joe”.

        Ah well, I shall now dream of Tesla. Right after Pegoretti, Pinarello, Cervelo…

  1. If they were smart, they would have hooked 3D printing devices to the tailpipes, allowing them to make full-carbon wheels and frames with 100% carbon. Good for the environment and good for the cycling community.

  2. “Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
    Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
    Everybody knows the war is over
    Everybody knows the good guys lost
    Everybody knows the fight was fixed
    The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
    That’s how it goes
    Everybody knows”

    “Everybody Knows”
    Song by Leonard Cohen

  3. As a VW owner since 1956, I believe this could be the end of the company as we know it. CARB is outt’a control angry, the fines, suits by states as well as class action could make this second only to BP in the Gulf. And it completely belies the “green” policies Deutschland has been touting for years.
    When the Enviros get through filing suit they’ll make shrapnel-filled airbags look trivial.

  4. Best use of the word ‘clean’?
    A. Clean coal
    B. Clean diesel
    C. Clean sport
    D. None of the above

  5. Hoping this introduces a new age of “Too Big to Fail”.
    “Not holding my breath” (just an expression, because, you know, no matter how bad the air is…)

    And Holy Pissin’ in the Wind, Batman– UREA TANKS???

    I heard someone on National Psocialist Radio say “Well, maybe diesel isn’t the answer…”
    Farhtngruven, d’ya think?

      1. That sounds awful close to “candy-ass” from here…
        Well, still better than whizz-powder.

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