Pot o’ beans


Beans are cooking on the stove and have been since 5:00 AM. They will be ready tonight. Soak them in water the night before, then sautee the celery, onion, and garlic in bacon fat. Spice the beans, dump in the vegetables along with the bacon, the fat, and the vegetable juice, and sit tight.

The apartment smells REALLY good at 5:00 AM, by the way.

Which got me to thinking about cycling, which in some circles is simply referred to as an eating disorder. After I tossed aside the bottle last November I dropped between 15 and 20 pounds. By March I weighed 150; I’m 5′-11″. Actually, I’m 6′-0″, but when I say I’m 5′-11″ it really agonizes all the guys who tell everyone else they’re “six feet.”

“Hey, no way!” they holler. “I’m six feet and you’re taller than me!”

“I guess you’re not six feet, then.” Boom.

But anyway, back to cycling, I mean the eating disorder. Losing weight is easier than keeping it off, and losing it is hard enough. A few years ago I went on the kimchi diet, but all it got me was emaciated, slow, low test, 15 hours sleep each day, and farts.

This time I’ve kept my weight at between 148-150 every month since March. Please don’t try this, as it won’t work for you. Still.

  1. I eat three times a day. 5:00 AM when I get up, 12:00 noon, and then at 6 or 7 PM.
  2. I don’t eat between meals. No snacking, no fruit, no milk, no nuts, except on the Donut Ride, when I put energy drink in my bottle instead of water. If I get nailed by a low energy lull I nap for five or ten minutes.
  3. When I eat, I eat until I’m full. Seconds if I feel like it, occasionally thirds, but not often.
  4. Fruit for dessert.
  5. I rarely eat out.
  6. No alcohol.
  7. No weird dietary restrictions; plenty of fat and meat and dairy.
  8. I grocery shop for each day only. No bulk supplies or meal planning.
  9. With the exception of booze, no absolutes.

*Bonus points*

I try to take a 15-20 minute walk at least once a day; an hour in the morning when I can squeeze it in.

There you have it.



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28 thoughts on “Pot o’ beans”

  1. Ride over to Cook-n-Stuff and get a pressure cooker. Skip the pre-soak and the 1/20 times burning the beans when you run out of water. 45 minutes total for tender Pintos. Try sauteing the veggies in the pot before you put in the beans and water.

    1. Wife uses a pressure cooker but they don’t taste as good as a 7-hour soak and 8-hour slow cook. But thanks!

    1. She served the disso yesterday. Currently looking for a roommate who doesn’t mind lots of bean farts.

  2. Dude, you are looking so strong, old fucker or not…Whatever you are doing, keep it up!

  3. I finished off some beans recently that I slow cooked. I did pre-soak the beans, and I did saute the onions in the bacon grease, and all that bacon and grease sauteed onions went into the cooker for an 8 hour marathon application of slow heat magic. Good stuff.

    “Beans before dinner, beans with dinner, after dinner beans”, I think those are the words to a song…

  4. Dear Wanker McPotofbeans,

    That all seems very complicated. Here’s my method: I eat with a chopstick. Yes, a chopstick (just one). I call it the “chopstick diet”.

    I am a genious. I am also hungry.

    1. If you sharpen the chopstick you can line up the beans like a kabob. But be sure the grains of each bean align with the next, and with the grain of the wood.

  5. Your Doc has not measured your height recently maybe.
    35 years ago I was 32 mm taller than I am today.
    Gravity strikes back.

  6. Interesting. I’m 60, 5’10” cycle tons and weigh around 170. When I was a serious distance runner, I never weighed less than 160. Is there a body type issue here? I have broad shoulders. I’m not sure I could weigh 150 and actually eat.

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