Professional cycling association criticizes podium jerseys

Despite what appear to be major issues that will affect the development and success of professional cycling, including the fight against doping and the introduction of disc brakes into the pro peloton, professional cyclists on the front lines have identified a far bigger threat to their health, safety, and career success.

According to Jean-Paul-Thierry-deBussy-sur-Mere, chief third acting provisional director of the Mouvement pour Credible Mouvements de Bowels en Cyclisme, the use of floppy podium jerseys is threatening to destroy the sport.

“It is incredible, the sizes we are supposed to wear,” he said, pointing most recently to the embarrassingly floppy jersey donned by Peter Sagan at the recent world championships in Richmond.

sagan_floppy_jersey

“There was enough tummy space for three pizzas and a pony keg, chest room for D cups, and armpit slack for three or four handles of love,” scoffed sur-Mere.

“It’s a major issue,” agreed Chris Froome, 2-time marginal gains volcano doping winner of the Tour de France. “I almost fell out of mine when I stepped off the podium. It was like wearing a potato sack, only not as form fitting.”

froome_potato_sack

Vincenzo Nibali, winner of the Tour in 2014 when all the other contenders fell off their bicycles, was particularly incensed at the trend. “I’m Italian. I don’t wear pig shit. This floppy jersey, itsa pig shit. Itsa got room enough for me an my girlfriend to make a baby, grow a baby, have a baby. Itsa bullshit.”

nibali_potato_sack.jpg

Nairo Quintana, this year’s Giro stand-out, was also critical. “My team almost lost me after I fell into that thing,” he said. “What I don’t understand is this? Why they buy size M for Giro podium? If you are standing podium in Giro, you are shopping junior misses at Kohl’s. Makes no sense.”

quintana_potato_sack

END

————————

For $2.99 per month you can subscribe to this blog, or you can get some cycling clothes that fit. You know which one I’d recommend. Click here and select the “subscribe” link in the upper right-hand corner. Thank you!

 

16 thoughts on “Professional cycling association criticizes podium jerseys”

  1. I’m not clear, is it pig shit or bull shit? Can there really be room for both? That surely is stretching all bounds of reality.

  2. Johnny French (sur-mere)

    How odd. I find all cycling jerseys fit me far more snugly than they ever did 20 years ago.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: