Professional cycling association criticizes podium jerseys
December 2, 2015 § 16 Comments
Despite what appear to be major issues that will affect the development and success of professional cycling, including the fight against doping and the introduction of disc brakes into the pro peloton, professional cyclists on the front lines have identified a far bigger threat to their health, safety, and career success.
According to Jean-Paul-Thierry-deBussy-sur-Mere, chief third acting provisional director of the Mouvement pour Credible Mouvements de Bowels en Cyclisme, the use of floppy podium jerseys is threatening to destroy the sport.
“It is incredible, the sizes we are supposed to wear,” he said, pointing most recently to the embarrassingly floppy jersey donned by Peter Sagan at the recent world championships in Richmond.
“There was enough tummy space for three pizzas and a pony keg, chest room for D cups, and armpit slack for three or four handles of love,” scoffed sur-Mere.
“It’s a major issue,” agreed Chris Froome, 2-time marginal gains volcano doping winner of the Tour de France. “I almost fell out of mine when I stepped off the podium. It was like wearing a potato sack, only not as form fitting.”
Vincenzo Nibali, winner of the Tour in 2014 when all the other contenders fell off their bicycles, was particularly incensed at the trend. “I’m Italian. I don’t wear pig shit. This floppy jersey, itsa pig shit. Itsa got room enough for me an my girlfriend to make a baby, grow a baby, have a baby. Itsa bullshit.”
Nairo Quintana, this year’s Giro stand-out, was also critical. “My team almost lost me after I fell into that thing,” he said. “What I don’t understand is this? Why they buy size M for Giro podium? If you are standing podium in Giro, you are shopping junior misses at Kohl’s. Makes no sense.”
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Coffee spilling Hilarious!
Thank you, sir!
I’m not clear, is it pig shit or bull shit? Can there really be room for both? That surely is stretching all bounds of reality.
Let me get back with him to find out. I just transcribed the interview faithfully.
What Dan said😂👍
I believe I have the remedy for this one. StageOne stuff fits like a glove.
Please order the UCI two gross.
I needed this laugh at the almost end of a long day of meetings. Thanks!
Awesome! You’re welcome!
Very funny, junior miss indeed!.
Or junior mister in some cases.
Sur-mere– mais c’est bien, non?
— Jean-Paul “Hopalong” Cravat
Better than sur-pere
How odd. I find all cycling jerseys fit me far more snugly than they ever did 20 years ago.
Weird. Class action lawsuit?