After Amaury Sports Organization refused to register its races as Pro Tour events, choosing instead the lower HC classification that will exempt it from reforms put in place by the UCI, both sides met to resolve the impasse. However, the rapprochement fell apart after neither side could agree who would be photographed with rider-team representative Jonathan Vaughters.
CitSB sat down with Christian Prudhomme of ASO and Brian Cookson of the UCI to discuss the failed negotiations.
CitSB: Is this the end of professional cycling?
BC: I’d have to say that it is.
CitSB: Can you elaborate?
CP: Green suit jacket with green vest and green tie? This is a monstrosity, an insult to all things tasteful and French.
BC: We still haven’t gotten over clown red dorksuit, really.
CitSB: Oh, the gray tweed with the argyle wool sweater and bright red tie on pink shirt with white floppy tubey collars? Yes. Yes.
CP: We could swallow that. It was difficult but we could. We did. And we overlooked the double-breasted powder greenish mini-pinstripe with green mini-check shirt and peach tie with green paisleys and the quarter-fold peach paisley pocket square.
BC: We didn’t overlook it. We vomited. Repeatedly. But that was a mere speck of fly tongue in the porridge as compared to the royal electric blue stooge jacket with broad candycane pinstripes murdered by a white-and-blue polka dot tie. (Retches.)
CitSB: Surely one more hideous outfit bought from a Men’s Wearhouse salesman on acid hasn’t wrecked pro cycling?
CP: Have you forgotten the houndstooth oversuitjacketvest? With blue mini-checks and a full beard? Have you?
BC: Or the diamond-end muttonchops?
CP: Followed by the laser-razer rapier stabbers?
CitSB: I still remember when a rider passed out from seeing his untucked pink check shirt flopping over a pair of long wool green plaid shorts. So there’s no hope of a resolution?
BC: Hell, no.
CitSB: I get it.
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