Get your corpse ready for the doc

Cycling is a community like your family or your workplace, which is another way of saying “I can’t avoid the assholes.” But the community, despite its dysfunctional parts, grinds along like a very old Toyota Camry with 350,000 miles. It’s not very fast, it’s not very sexy, and it’s not very efficient, but it gets you where you want to go.

Everyone focuses on the Camry, its mileage, the dent in the back that you got in the parking lot and that (as of 2016) more than 23 people have left business cards under the wipers that say “Fix bumper dings! $25.” Or they focus on the driver. He’s old, he’s not very good, and he drives 65 on the 405, which would back up the freeway for miles if it weren’t already backed up for miles.

But it takes more than the driver to make the car run, just like it takes more than the profamateur old fellow bike racer to make the cycling community go. One of the people who makes our cycling community go is Sherri. And as of March 17, that’s DOCTOR Sherri to you, pal.

I don’t know how many people have gotten their doctorate from UCLA while selling crotch cream and straightening handlebars in a bike shop, but there can’t be a lot of them. And the number shrinks even more when you consider that Sherri had to overcome a minor obstacle or two, like the time her brain broke and they had to saw open her skull and put in another bag of sand.

But what I do know is this: When it comes to encouraging, to helping out, to being ready with a pat on the back and a “shut the fuck up and get back on your bike you whiny little bitch” no one’s as good Sherri. No one’s even close.

She’ll patiently listen to your 15-minute angst-filled soliloquy about 23 mm vs. 25 mm and then draw it to a close by kindly sticking the on-sale item in your hand and running your card. She’ll hand you up the water bottle as you totter towards the turnaround, dropped with a 12-minute gap and another 30-mile lap to go. She’ll be at the shop at 5:30 AM to make sure the bagels, cream cheese, donuts, coffee, and heavy cream are ready so that you’ll have a 3,500-calorie breakfast for your 500-calorie ride. She’s not only smart enough to do the math, she’s kind enough not to remind you of it.

And when you need her, you really need her, she’s always there for you with a hug and a smile and a heartfelt “You can shut the fuck up now, I’m not your mother.”

While caring for the tender sensibilities of countless self-absorbed cycling weirdos, Sherri somehow also managed to get her Ph.D. in forensic pathology. She once told me in detail what that was, but all I got was that it was like being a doctor for dead people. So it cracked me up when, after a friend announced that she had successfully defended her dissertation and passed the turkey-carving portion of her examination, a bunch of people posted on Facebag asking if Dr. Sherri would check out their this or their that.

She will, honey, but when she does she finally won’t have to tell you to shut the fuck up.

Congratulations, Sherri. I wouldn’t be able to grasp how you got a UCLA Ph.D. in four years if I didn’t know how smart, hard-working, and dedicated you are underneath all of that charm. You’ve made all of our lives better. Now get out there and heal the dead.

END

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52 thoughts on “Get your corpse ready for the doc”

  1. Congratulations to Dr Sherri and to all the riders in the SB for having her take care of you, especially while you’re still alive.

  2. Michelle landes

    Holy Shitballz I thought she was a N P wow!!! Amazing blog tribute❤️Sherri congrats and when is the party!!!!

  3. I am tearfully humbled…but never speechless…

    Don’t give me that much credit…it took six years of selling crotch cream and listening to the peloton powers that be pontificate about why a 25mm tire is a better choice than a 23mm tire…and I have loved every second of it.

    Helen’s Cycles-it is not only the place where I work, it is my family. I landed here almost 9 years ago…a quick-witted, southern-accented somewhat educated smartass who didn’t know much about bicycles except how to ride them. I had no idea how many wonderful people were about to become part of my life forever. I want each and every one of you to know I would not be who I am and where I am today without you. You made me smile when I thought I wasn’t possible, you dried my countless tears through the frustration and pain, you painted me a masterpiece depicting our friendship, you healed my heart when it was shattered. Five years ago when I was struck by a brain mass and pulmonary AVM that left me paralyzed on my right side, without hesitation or question, you took care of my mama and daddy and you took care of me. They, and I, are forever grateful. I was able to make a full recovery because of you.

    Sethi, you and Ms. Yasuko are my family…I spent my first Christmas away from home with your family, you have seen me through unspeakable loss, and you taught me how to be a better person…every day. You have “the gift”…the very rare gift my daddy passed onto me…the ability to touch the lives of people…the unshakeable ability to love them without the fear of loss, rejection, or ego…thank you.

    My dear friend Peta Takai has planned a celebration on Thursday March 31 at The Jamaica Bay Inn. I hope you can stop by…let’s celebrate one another and the reasons we love our cycling community.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Dr. Sherri Foxworthy, DBS, MSc, PhD, Forensic Medicine-Pathology
    (I’m sure I f***ed up some of those letters)

  4. Dr.Sherri is the best!… back when I had a little bike falling off incident she immediatly made the horrific commute from the west side to the sobay to examine the broken pieces and apply more spit and tegaderm. We are all really lucky to have her around. Cheers to you Doc!

  5. Hmm, self described as “southern-accented somewhat educated smartass”.

    Sounds like the profile of a gal you mentioned in an earlier CitSB article where you described a confrontation over a table in a Samo coffee shop, where the gal told an antagonist she had a “drawer full of ‘them’ at home”.

    Wondering if they’re one and the same. Quite amusing story that I’ve retold to friends.

  6. I’ve never met any of you and yet I like you more and more, every day.

    Nice post, Seth.

    Sherri, wonderful response and congratulations!

  7. Congratulations Sherri! I can role out the old joke, what’s the only job better than being a metrologist? Forensic Pathology, the worst that can happen is the patient comes back to life…

  8. I live in Canada and have never ridden with any of you, yet I try to read this blog daily, and it’s the non-cycling per-se posts that get me the most. (The cycling adventures get me laughing to where I can’t see the screen)

    In our world that can be so cruel and horrific at times, it’s the small genuine acts that give us hope and that make it all worthwhile. Much prefer to read these things than C&D by druggies.

  9. She certainly is a rockstar that has patched me up a few times. Thank you Dr. Sherri.

      1. Sherri came to see me in the hospital just to poke me with a stick and take pictures of my naked morphine-addled ass. She’s a giver fo sho.

        1. She figured you’d be dead soon and wanted to compare the before and after. But you cheated death again!

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