2017 Cycling Gaols: Gaol #1–get legs

Since the off-season week is finished I went out on the Donut Ride today and got dropped. Then I quit, and after that I bonked.

As I was crawling on my hands and knees to the wine-and-liquor mart across from the Miraleste fire station (great location for booze), Destroyer helped me buy some Pop-Tarts Cycling Recovery Nutrition and a bottle of Starbucks Frappucino Milk and Coffee Cycling Recovery Nutrition Drink Supplement.

“Have you ever considered putting anything in your water bottle besides water for 55-mile, race-intensity beatdowns?” he asked.

“Nah,” I said. “Science is overrated.”

He sighed. “So what are your cycling goals for 2017?” he asked as I tore through the Pop-Tarts wrapper and wolfed down the precious recovery nutrition items including the crumbs.

“I have three cycling gaols this year,” I said. “Gaol Number One is to get legs.”

“Get legs?”

“Yeah. Cycling legs.”

“What do you mean?”

I showed him a picture. “These are my legs. The are muscle-free and have the definition of an old black-and-white t.v.”


He nodded glumly. “Yeah. I know.”

“And they don’t work worth a damn. So in 2017 I’m going to get some cycling legs. Like Michael’s.” I showed him this picture.


“That’s my gaol.”



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15 thoughts on “2017 Cycling Gaols: Gaol #1–get legs”

    1. Problem is I don’t have any veins. When I shoot up the EPO I have to take it in capsule form. #truestory

    1. There are these tiny little blue things I can sometimes see but the doctor told me they are under something called “deep and thick and mostly impenetrable layers of fat.” I need to Google that.

  1. Can’t you just get permanent make up aka tattoos of veins on your legs? Much easier than all that sweating, puking and injecting you typically have to do, to achieve the look. You are in So. Cal. Afterall.

  2. Come to the gym with me! We’ll do some squats, lunges, maybe some Bulgarian one legged squats or step ups. I’ll whip your legs into shape! 😉

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