Lunada Bay Boys on Mom’s Couch ponder new treehouse

December 4, 2016 § 7 Comments

The PVE City Council, backed into a corner by class action litigation and threats from the California Coastal Commission, which was none too pleased at the illegal barbecue and drug patio erected decades ago by the Lunada Bay Boys on Mom’s Couch in order to allegedly privatize public coastline, intimidate non-resident surfers, and help preserve the peace and tranquility of a snobby, mostly-white enclave, recently took jackhammers and bulldozers to the illegal “fort” and razed it to the ground.

The Boys on Mom’s Couch may have even mounted a late-night attack on the bulldozing equipment and did their best to destroy more private property by scratching up some of the equipment and vandalizing the ignitions, as if these were mere annoyances that could be frightened away with the same teen-age tactics they used to key the doors of visiting foreigners from Torrance.

While the city, led by fearless Mayor King, reluctantly agreed to tear down the illegal expropriation of public property, the city nonetheless held firm against the Coastal Commission’s demand that the Lunada Bay bluffs be made open and inviting to the public through construction of benches and viewing areas. According to angry city residents, such artificial, man-made blemishes would blight the pristine view of the coastline, unlike the ugly homes and the illegal fort that had blighted it for the last thirty years.

Cycling in the South Bay sat down with second generation Lunada Bay Boy on Grandma’s Couch Whitey Spanksalot to learn how the “boys,” none of whom is under fifty, intend to deal with this setback.

CitSB: Has the destruction of the fort put the Boys on the back foot?

Spanksalot: It’s a day that will live in infamy, sure.

CitSB: How will you recover?

Spanksalot: We’re planning a Lunada Bay Boys Treehouse. Already got the funding from Mr. Nalrak.

CitSB: Funding for what?

Spanksalot: The signage.

CitSB: What signage?

Spanksalot: Oh, you know, the usual stuff. “No gurlz aloud.” That kind of thing.

CitSB: Gotcha. And where is the treehouse going to be erected?

Spanksalot: We got our eye on a couple of local parks. We kind of like that one over by the little league field.

CitSB: More public property?

Spanksalot: Mr. Nalrak says that’s the best way to keep out the gangs that have been ruining PV for the last forty years.

CitSB: There’s a gang problem here in addition to you guys?

Spanksalot: Oh, sure. Them social biker gangs. They take over the roads, they were the ones who vandalized all the equipment. Keying up cars, throwing rocks at people in the water. We’re filing a class action lawsuit against them. Mr. Nalrak is gonna help us.

CitSB: Who’s this Nalrak fellow?

Spanksalot: Oh, he’s a big deal. Uses a bunch of different names. Lives by himself. No kids. No wife. No friends. Lonely old sagbottom dude. Super expert on sending emails and stuff using fake names. Even has one of those computer web site things.

CitSB: Wow. A web site?

Spanksalot: Oh, yeah. He’s top shelf. Doesn’t even sleep on his mom’s couch, has his own gas card. In his name.

CitSB: Sounds like a pretty successful fellow. Is he also a surfer?

Spanksalot: [Laughs.] Him? Naw! Little bald-headed dude couldn’t stand on a surfboard if you nailed him to the deck and the board to the floor. He’s kind of a joke but he has it in for the social biker gangs, and we like that.

CitSB: So, a treehouse and a “No gurlz” sign. Next steps?

Spanksalot: Oh, yeah. We’re going to take over the little league snack shack until we get the treehouse built. That way we can have sumpin’ to eat. Slugs McGinty will take care of them little brats if anyone raises a stink. Just like we took care of that dude from Muslania.



§ 7 Responses to Lunada Bay Boys on Mom’s Couch ponder new treehouse

  • Bearclaw says:

    Rumor is that the Bay Boys on Mom’s Couch will next target anyone walking into the bakery with one of those AYSO jerseys. OMG, the soccer folks brought in Torrance dirt for a PV field. The shame! These AYSO gangs must be stopped to promote Peach and Tranquwilitee!

    And for those not familiar with PV, I’m not joking

  • channel_zero says:

    The comments on that article to which you linked are fun reading.

    Has anyone thought that the destruction wasn’t done by the LBB(s)? but rather, one or several that had a desire to see the LBB’s go down in flames? Just a thought!

    A bunch of determined CYCLISTS did it. Yup! True story!!!

    What I find most interesting was the paragraph or 3 about the press release. I love local politics. It brings out the worst in people.

  • sibex9591 says:

    Nalrak, Was that the dude who was wearing a placard around his neck with your picture on it at that one meeting?

  • dangerstu says:

    I’m glad see they, are able to continue to play an active part of there community, after those bad people took away there toy fort/masterbatourium.

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