Hired Guns: Part 7

April 11, 2017 § 15 Comments

Part 7: The delicate bedwetters on the Hill

When we turn to the PV Estates Police Department and try to compare it with the LA Sheriff’s Department, a number of problems arise. The first is that they are completely different organizations. One is a massive, multi-billion dollar police force that, like an aircraft carrier going off the edge of a cliff, is extremely hard to control. The other is a tiny, semi-private security service whose employees are easily manipulated by the taxpayers who pay their salaries.

The media and the rich love to paint the image of wealthy people as being super confident, strong, hard-to-rattle titans of industry. Sometimes they are. But just as often they can be thin-skinned, vain, petty little people whose financial security gives them little to do but whine, complain, and grouse about the minor annoyances of life that the rest of us shrug off without a moment’s concern.

It’s hard to grasp how infantile some of the PV Estates residents can actually be. There’s one particular area of the city located by Bluff Cove and dominated by a couple of streets, Paseo del Mar and Via Horcada, where there is an unbelievable concentration of events that can only be described as the anxieties of adult bedwetters.

It’s these people and their ilk who dominate much of the time and efforts of the PV Estates police, people who demand to be coddled, mollified, hand-held, and who require that their every damp didy be accompanied with a gentle butt-wiping by a steady hand. These people consume untold hours of the police department’s time, are often abusive, nasty, aggressive, and make endless calls to police dispatch complaining about everything from raccoons to imaginary sounds.

You think I’m making this up? Keep reading.

This matters because as police chief Kepley points to increased police department expenses specifically due to cyclists, he fails to mention the hundreds of man-hours burned through by one or two whiny bedwetters, and he fails to tell the city council that a lot of the city’s police expenses result from the fact that the police force behaves like a nanny rather than a police department. At the last city council meeting we were treated to a rogues’ gallery of brown and black arrestees, showing the residents how busy the police were controlling serious crime.

What they didn’t show were the stats and incident reports filed by short, balding, middle-aged tattletales that make policing PV Estates the law enforcement equivalent of a nursery school for spoiled brats.

So I’ve compiled the reports for them.

Below is a very small sampling of police reports from the Via Horcada/Paseo del Mar area, which seems to be ground zero for pee-pee in the pants, anxiety-ridden grown men. The names of the complainants have been redacted by the department, but it won’t take you much independent investigation to figure out who at least one of these infantile crybabies is. More importantly, it shows that the city isn’t necessarily overrun with bad people, it’s just that a handful of truly deplorable bedwetters with too much free time and too little maturity have made it a living hell for everyone else.

As you click on the links below, ask yourself a few questions:

  • Are you fucking kidding me?
  • Are these the same people who complain about cyclists?
  • Can a police department slavishly obedient to people like this fairly enforce the law?

Also, note that virtually all of these “incidents” occur in the vicinity of the 700 block of Via Horcada and the 600 block of Paseo del Mar. I’ve highlighted the relevant items that the officers were called out to investigate, as well as the number of officers who responded to the call and wrote up the supplemental report. Apparently, the time clock at PVE PD gets ridden so hard it should have a saddle on it … and most hypocritically of all, the same people who complain about the cost and the overtime of the police don’t seem to mind at all when it’s their butt that’s being wiped at time-and-a-half.

So here ya go, with apologies to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle:

  1. Mystery of the Assault by the Baby-Stroller Jackanape (Link: assault_of_minor)
  2. Mystery of the Bedwetter Bothered by the Barking Dog (Link: barking_dog_1)
  3. Mystery of the Off and On Barking Dog (Link: barking_dog_2)
  4. Mystery of the 15-Minutes Barking Dog Causing Multiple Bedwettings (Link: barking_dog_3)
  5. Mystery of the Barking Dog So Mysterious That It Can’t Be Found (Link: barking_dog_4)
  6. Mystery of the Barking Dog Who Could Read Notices in the Mailbox (Link: barking_dog_5)
  7. Mystery of the Barking Dog Who Was Taken Inside (Link: barking_dog_6)
  8. Mystery of the Barking Dog Who Was Reading More Notices (Link: barking_dog_7)
  9. Mystery of the Multiple Bedwetters Upset by the Mysterious Barking Dog (Link: barking_dog_8)
  10. Mystery of the Family of Bedwetters Awoken by the Barking Dog (Link: barking_dog_9)
  11. Mystery of the Dog that Knew to Stop Barking When the Police Showed Up (Link: barking_dog_10)
  12. Mystery of the Not Excessively but Just Enough Barking Dog (Link: barking_dog_11)
  13. Mystery of the Two Dogs Night (Link: barking_dog_12)
  14. Mystery of the Non-Barking Dog Left Out in the Non-Rain (Link: barking_dog_13)
  15. Mystery of the Legally Barking Dogs in the Area (Link: barking_dog_14)
  16. Mystery of the Home Alone Dogs Who Didn’t Bark (Link: barking_dog_15)
  17. Mystery of the Complainant Who Wanted to Find Out About the Dog That Didn’t Bark (Link: barking_dogs_16)
  18. Mystery of the More Non-Barking Dogs (Link: barking_dog_17)
  19. Mystery of the Dogs Not Barking After Two Hours (Link: barking_dogs_18)
  20. Mystery of the Dog That Didn’t Bark for Ten Minutes (Link: barking_dog_19)
  21. Mystery of the Dog That Didn’t Bark for Over Ten Minutes (Link: barking_dog_20)

This is a tiny fraction of the complaints emanating from this very small area of a couple of blocks; most of the complaints I’ve obtained were either made by or involve the same bedwetter. Keep in mind that these complaints about noise are coming from a place where the lot sizes are massive and the homes are essentially walled compounds. How would these people even exist in normal society if the sound of an imaginary barking dog drives them nuts? Answer: They wouldn’t.

I’ve obtained hundreds and hundreds of pages of this crap from 2010 to 2017, mostly in this one neighborhood, covering everything from the Hound of the Baskervilles mystery above to even more unbelievable stuff–and yes, I’m going to post another batch of these high crimes and misdemeanors tomorrow. Hopefully when the city council meets on April 25 they’ll make an impassioned plea to save the police department so that it can continue preventing diaper rash from these pillars of the community.

From the looks of these reports, they’d better be buying their talcum powder by the barrel.



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§ 15 Responses to Hired Guns: Part 7

  • Redacted says:

    Dang dirt, they are pretty bad with their “There and Their” – Hang on, did I get that right? Stupid backwater Peninsula High education –

  • Sibex Czar says:

    Since you took the time to compile this list, I will take the time to read it. But it will take awhile 🙂

    • fsethd says:

      Don’t torture yourself! It’s only for the morbidly curious or for those who really think that the PV Estates police can fairly enforce the law. There’s so much more of this garbage you can’t believe, mostly from one lone BW. Just reading the titles of the document links is enough.

      Compare the stepnfetchit attitude of the PV Estates police to these clowns with the response you’re likely to get from LASD if you call in diaper change service. “Is someone bleeding? No? Is there a body? No? We’re busy with real crimes.”

  • Toronto says:

    That poor dog is also fed up with the whiny bed-wetters. But every time he barks for help, the cops just show up and never take the neighbors away. I salute his unwavering dedication.

  • East Coast baby seal says:

    Is this the “Dog” to whom you refer with “Thank Dog” or when others blame/credit “Dog” for some incident or accomplishment? That’s a busy Dog!

  • GoodGrief says:

    A most important question: Can PVEPD effectively police a community when they are intimidated by a lonely masturbator who enjoys intimidating families of PVEPD officers? The answer is no – there are at least 701 reasons on Via Horcada alone that PVEPD is not effective.

    Think the PVEPD isn’t owned by the Bay Boys Masturbating on Mom’s Couch? Think again – PVE had to go to Santa Monica to enlist paid volunteers to patrol Lunada Bay because PVEPD doesn’t want to offend the locals. Why offend these Bay Boys on city payroll or using city cell phones? It’s easier to blame brown people from out of town (“Flatlanders” is the term used by City Officials) – especially when racism is written into the city charter ardently defended by all but one city council member.

    Think the PVEPD isn’t owned by a single Anonymous keyboard warrior? Think again – every officer on PVEPD and every city official has their families targeted by Mr. Masturbator and his Real Estate BFF. PVEPD is forced to choose between placing their families at risk or confronting the vile, racist, deplorable single keyboard warrior overlooking Malaga Cove. They’ve chosen their families. By not confronting sexual predators like this, PVEPD has placed the entire city at risk – PVEPD is simply scared.

    That’s why a professional police force is required. PVEPD will never be effective because it will never bite the hand that feeds it. Cyclists are much easier to target than Bay Boys.

  • pconneely says:

    I guess I’m middle-aged (41), but not balding (already went bald). We did call our PD one night bc of a neighbor barking dog (after trying to get a hold of the neighbor), not bc we were pissed but more bc as pet owners/lovers it sounded like the dog was in some kind of distress/having a problem. I’ll never forget the (Ventura) PD response; “we do not respond to barking dogs, our officers are busy working.”, which cracked me up as much as I did seeing that your list was all barking dogs.

    The dog was fine and being crate-trained.

    • fsethd says:

      Bedwetters and their retinue clad as police officers will demand barking dogs be investigated all the time.

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