Part 7: The delicate bedwetters on the Hill
When we turn to the PV Estates Police Department and try to compare it with the LA Sheriff’s Department, a number of problems arise. The first is that they are completely different organizations. One is a massive, multi-billion dollar police force that, like an aircraft carrier going off the edge of a cliff, is extremely hard to control. The other is a tiny, semi-private security service whose employees are easily manipulated by the taxpayers who pay their salaries.
The media and the rich love to paint the image of wealthy people as being super confident, strong, hard-to-rattle titans of industry. Sometimes they are. But just as often they can be thin-skinned, vain, petty little people whose financial security gives them little to do but whine, complain, and grouse about the minor annoyances of life that the rest of us shrug off without a moment’s concern.
It’s hard to grasp how infantile some of the PV Estates residents can actually be. There’s one particular area of the city located by Bluff Cove and dominated by a couple of streets, Paseo del Mar and Via Horcada, where there is an unbelievable concentration of events that can only be described as the anxieties of adult bedwetters.
It’s these people and their ilk who dominate much of the time and efforts of the PV Estates police, people who demand to be coddled, mollified, hand-held, and who require that their every damp didy be accompanied with a gentle butt-wiping by a steady hand. These people consume untold hours of the police department’s time, are often abusive, nasty, aggressive, and make endless calls to police dispatch complaining about everything from raccoons to imaginary sounds.
You think I’m making this up? Keep reading.
This matters because as police chief Kepley points to increased police department expenses specifically due to cyclists, he fails to mention the hundreds of man-hours burned through by one or two whiny bedwetters, and he fails to tell the city council that a lot of the city’s police expenses result from the fact that the police force behaves like a nanny rather than a police department. At the last city council meeting we were treated to a rogues’ gallery of brown and black arrestees, showing the residents how busy the police were controlling serious crime.
What they didn’t show were the stats and incident reports filed by short, balding, middle-aged tattletales that make policing PV Estates the law enforcement equivalent of a nursery school for spoiled brats.
So I’ve compiled the reports for them.
Below is a very small sampling of police reports from the Via Horcada/Paseo del Mar area, which seems to be ground zero for pee-pee in the pants, anxiety-ridden grown men. The names of the complainants have been redacted by the department, but it won’t take you much independent investigation to figure out who at least one of these infantile crybabies is. More importantly, it shows that the city isn’t necessarily overrun with bad people, it’s just that a handful of truly deplorable bedwetters with too much free time and too little maturity have made it a living hell for everyone else.
As you click on the links below, ask yourself a few questions:
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- Are these the same people who complain about cyclists?
- Can a police department slavishly obedient to people like this fairly enforce the law?
Also, note that virtually all of these “incidents” occur in the vicinity of the 700 block of Via Horcada and the 600 block of Paseo del Mar. I’ve highlighted the relevant items that the officers were called out to investigate, as well as the number of officers who responded to the call and wrote up the supplemental report. Apparently, the time clock at PVE PD gets ridden so hard it should have a saddle on it … and most hypocritically of all, the same people who complain about the cost and the overtime of the police don’t seem to mind at all when it’s their butt that’s being wiped at time-and-a-half.
So here ya go, with apologies to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle:
- Mystery of the Assault by the Baby-Stroller Jackanape (Link: assault_of_minor)
- Mystery of the Bedwetter Bothered by the Barking Dog (Link: barking_dog_1)
- Mystery of the Off and On Barking Dog (Link: barking_dog_2)
- Mystery of the 15-Minutes Barking Dog Causing Multiple Bedwettings (Link: barking_dog_3)
- Mystery of the Barking Dog So Mysterious That It Can’t Be Found (Link: barking_dog_4)
- Mystery of the Barking Dog Who Could Read Notices in the Mailbox (Link: barking_dog_5)
- Mystery of the Barking Dog Who Was Taken Inside (Link: barking_dog_6)
- Mystery of the Barking Dog Who Was Reading More Notices (Link: barking_dog_7)
- Mystery of the Multiple Bedwetters Upset by the Mysterious Barking Dog (Link: barking_dog_8)
- Mystery of the Family of Bedwetters Awoken by the Barking Dog (Link: barking_dog_9)
- Mystery of the Dog that Knew to Stop Barking When the Police Showed Up (Link: barking_dog_10)
- Mystery of the Not Excessively but Just Enough Barking Dog (Link: barking_dog_11)
- Mystery of the Two Dogs Night (Link: barking_dog_12)
- Mystery of the Non-Barking Dog Left Out in the Non-Rain (Link: barking_dog_13)
- Mystery of the Legally Barking Dogs in the Area (Link: barking_dog_14)
- Mystery of the Home Alone Dogs Who Didn’t Bark (Link: barking_dog_15)
- Mystery of the Complainant Who Wanted to Find Out About the Dog That Didn’t Bark (Link: barking_dogs_16)
- Mystery of the More Non-Barking Dogs (Link: barking_dog_17)
- Mystery of the Dogs Not Barking After Two Hours (Link: barking_dogs_18)
- Mystery of the Dog That Didn’t Bark for Ten Minutes (Link: barking_dog_19)
- Mystery of the Dog That Didn’t Bark for Over Ten Minutes (Link: barking_dog_20)
This is a tiny fraction of the complaints emanating from this very small area of a couple of blocks; most of the complaints I’ve obtained were either made by or involve the same bedwetter. Keep in mind that these complaints about noise are coming from a place where the lot sizes are massive and the homes are essentially walled compounds. How would these people even exist in normal society if the sound of an imaginary barking dog drives them nuts? Answer: They wouldn’t.
I’ve obtained hundreds and hundreds of pages of this crap from 2010 to 2017, mostly in this one neighborhood, covering everything from the Hound of the Baskervilles mystery above to even more unbelievable stuff–and yes, I’m going to post another batch of these high crimes and misdemeanors tomorrow. Hopefully when the city council meets on April 25 they’ll make an impassioned plea to save the police department so that it can continue preventing diaper rash from these pillars of the community.
From the looks of these reports, they’d better be buying their talcum powder by the barrel.
For $2.99 per month you can subscribe to this blog and get none of the news that’s fit to print but all the news that’s fun to read. Click here and select the “subscribe” link in the upper right-hand corner. Thank you!