The 16.7-year subscription

A giant box arrived at the office from Jessup Auto Plaza.

Sketch, for sure.

The name “Jessup” has long been associated with a wide variety of cycling beatdowns and shenanigans in SoCal, mostly as a result of legend Andy Jessup. A few years ago, Andy got shoved into the barricades at Redlands, smashed his hip, tore open an artery, and almost died.

His recovery was long, painful beyond belief, but inevitable. Just to show he could, replete with rebuilt joint and enough PTSD to spook a combat platoon, he suited up and did a couple of races last year.

Still, a box from Jessup Auto Plaza …

I opened it up and found this:

envelope

And this:

letter

And this:

swag

Andy must have taken especial note of my filthy water bottle nozzles and my love of cookies and my chapped lips! But most especially, this:

check

Mrs. WM was not impressed with the swag. “Where we onna put your more bikin junk?”

“It’s not junk, honey, it’s awesome swag.”

“I got one drawer onna underwear and bra and you got four drawer onna old tire and smelly bikin socks.”

“But look, honey! These bottles are the best. And all clean nozzles! Camelback!”

She scowled. Then she saw the blank check. “Thatsa blank check.”

“Yes, but it’s dedicated to the Wanky Defense Fund.”

“Not no more it isn’t,” she said, snatching it.

“Hey! That’s blog subscription money! At $2.99/month that’s a 16.7-year subscription! Gimme that!”

She turned her back and carefully wrote “Mrs. WM” in the payee line. “Itsa bout time some on your deadbeat reader onna payin. If you was atta McDonald’s like you wastin time onna that blog we’d be onna time and a half last ten years and retirin.”

“Now just a minute,” I said. “My blog provides a very important service.”

“Finally,” she said, as she walked out the door to the bank.

END

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18 thoughts on “The 16.7-year subscription”

  1. First of all, Andy Jessup is an amazing human. He’s the kind of person you hope to have in your life…and personally, I don’t see him enough.
    …my BIG loss.
    Secondly…Andy…if you like Ms WM, I hope you’ve read this one, which is in my top 3 all time favorites…

    https://pvcycling.wordpress.com/2012/08/30/the-panty-thief/

    Everyone should read this…it will put you one rung higher on the happiness scale.
    And Andy…you’re a legend.

    1. You know, if you view this on your phone, and select the text, you can have the phone read the entire piece, and that is itself, pretty funny.

  2. That’s awesome, especially when Mrs. WM swooped in for the check. Doh, pipped on the line again!

    1. More like, shelled early on in the climb, passed by the Cat 5 field, and struggled in DFL.

    1. Kind of have to agree! Swag box included boss shoe covers, chap stick, and chocolate cookies–I can go faster, eat cookies, and have pretty lips for kissing on the podium.

  3. Wanky, I am a fellow leaky prostrate. I attempted to pay by CC, and when I clicked on the Continue button it went to the Pay-Pal screen. I had to sell my Porsche 911 to subscribe so I want to make sure I did it right! Can you confirm you received my extortion payment?

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