Imaginary schedules

Oh, come on, admit it. At some point in your cycling life you have made up an imaginary training schedule. It was delusional the moment you wrote down miles or watts or anything definitive that could be measured. If you synched to a training program or shared it with your coach, or worse, fabricated it in conjunction with one, it transcended fantasy and became pure science fiction.

That’s okay. Like masturbation, we’ve all done it. And like masturbation, some things are better left done in private and not discussed. No one wants to see a picture of it. Really.

The last time I wrote down a fake training schedule it lasted two weeks. That was back when I had a power meter, which I suppose is worse than admitting to the aforementioned unmentionable activity.

Anyway, last night I made a riding calendar. It’s not based on what I plan to do, but loosely on what I have done in the past. It doesn’t have miles or watts or hours or time or anything that you can hold me to. Also, it’s purely speculative. It’s what I was thinking of LAST NIGHT. Next Thursday I will be thinking of something different, trust me.

Most importantly, this schedule, in addition to being set in sand, isn’t designed to do anything. It won’t make me faster, better, tougher, better looking, richer, or better endowed. Here it is. Read it and shake your head.



For $2.99 per month you can subscribe to this blog and get none of the news that’s fit to print but all the news that’s fun to read. Click here and select the “subscribe” link in the upper right-hand corner. Thank you!

13 thoughts on “Imaginary schedules”

  1. Michelle landes

    Uuuummmmm it says MBGP on the 30th !! I might have to leave for Oregon at a later date😀

    1. I define dirt as anything near dirt. So, riding asphalt parallel to a dirt track is dirt.

  2. Looks like lots of fake races and races. Keeping it fun. Who the F other than guys that actually get paid to train and race wants to go out and soft pedal for 4 hours on a recovery day. With all the fake racing and racing you do you must be a pretty good bike handler to avoid getting busted up more than you have.

  3. Mon=rest
    Tue=ride if you can; otherwise rest
    Wed =ride if you can ditch lab meeting
    Thurs =ride if you get a lunch break, otherwise rest
    Saturday=Hard group ride or work on parents house
    Sunday=Race or same as Saturday

    LMK if you’d like to subscribe to my training plans, for you special price

  4. Mon – Fri: Lsd – job – more lsd – run after/yell at kids
    Sat – Sun: run after/yell at kids aka rest
    You’re welcome

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: