Cycling in the South Bay

There has been a lot of confusion recently about what constitutes a bike racer. I’ve developed a self-evaluation form to help clear things up.

1. I have participated in a sanctioned or otherwise organized bike race competing against other live, non-virtual human beings at the same time on the same day over the same course, in the last calendar year. YOU ARE A BIKE RACER.
2. I have “Cat 1” on my racing license. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER.
3. I have a really expensive racing bike. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER.
4. I belong to a bike racing team. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER.
5. I belong to bike racing club. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER.
6. I belong to a “concept” bike team. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER.
7. I used to be a bike racer. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER.
8. I have the most badass social media bike racing presence imaginable. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER.
9. I have more than a thousand followers on Strava. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER.
10. I won a bunch of sanctioned races totally doped. YOU ARE FOR SURE A BIKE RACER.
11. I took a bunch of Strava KOMs totally doped. YOU ARE STILL NOT A BIKE RACER, AND YOU ARE BEYOND PATHETIC.
12. I am on the board of directors of a bike racing club. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER.
13. I promote bike races. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER.
14. I own a home. YOU ARE ALMOST CERTAINLY NOT A BIKE RACER.
15. I win every group ride I’m on. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER AND NO, YOU DON’T.
16. I sponsor a bike team. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER.
17. I coach the most successful bike racers in the world. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER BUT YOU HAVE A GOOD CHINESE CONNECTION.
18. Lance and I ride together in between court appearances. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER, AND NEITHER IS HE.
19. My kid can kick your ass on the bike, and off it, too. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER, HE IS NOT A BIKE RACER.
20. I am a bike lawyer. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER.
21. I have a really popular blog about bike racing and lots of advertisers and I get more free schwag in a month for faux “reviews” than you have bought in the last ten years. YOU ARE STILL NOT A BIKE RACER, BUT CAN I HAVE SOME TIRES?
22. My name is [Bernard Hinault, Eddy Merckx, Patrick Sercu, etc.]. YOU ARE NOT A BIKE RACER. YOU ARE A DEITY.

END

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Tagged: are you a bike racer, bike racing quiz, cycling in la, cycling in los angeles, cycling in the south bay

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