I never read your stupid blog

There is a guy in our community who used to regularly tell me, apropos of nothing, “I don’t read your blog.”

I always applauded his discriminating literary taste, although he did strike me as a person whose lifetime exposure to long sentences and big words was a bit on the thin side, just as I was struck when he recently advised me that a particular (unread?) post here was “garbage.”

It is quite a phenomenon in the South Bay, where hardly anyone reads this lowbrow, badly written blog, yet somehow its contents are known by all as soon as I hit the “publish” button. I am researching how this occurs without resort to the technique known as “reading” and will let you know what I find when O.J. learns the identity of the real killer.

In addition to the aforementioned discriminating reader of the Great Books and Twitter, it is rumored that another presumed assiduous non-reader of this ratty publication copied and posted photos from here onto his Instabrag account. Perhaps he skipped the text and went straight to photos?

As another example of non-readership, I predict it will instantly be known and howled about when I remark on the absurdity of a four-man TTT at districts today reportedly putting about nine minutes on second place and recording the fastest time of the day among all categories by six minutes, when all of the riders on the winning team were over 50, and two were closer to 60.

One sad and plainly unfit rider averaged a measly 421 watts for 53 minutes, good for third place.

Please move along, folks. It is a scientific fact that the older you get, the faster you go. That is why 80% of the field in this year’s Giro was over the age of fifty, and a quarter of the field was over sixty-five.

Non-reading readers can always post comments anonymously, of course.



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20 thoughts on “I never read your stupid blog”

  1. Neal Henderson

    421 Watts? 53 minutes.

    Holy crap!!

    Where can I get some of those Wheaties?

    (Breakfast Of Champions)

  2. I saw the results of national masters ITT from a couple of weeks ago, and my guy, who is definitely a leap or 3 ahead of me, lost by over 3 minutes. I smell a rat.

  3. I read your stupid blog* and think it’s super great stuff! Gotta be moto and/or/both chem lab juicey-juice assisted in that TTT result…or maybe they got a car on the course to draft off of without anyone seeing? Champs!

    *- without paying, what a jerk!…I will pay up someday, promise.

  4. Jeff Miskimins

    No time in recent history that our society has reached an absurd level of absurdity. It’s really absurd, don’t you think? ;)-

  5. I wish there had been someone like you writing about the NorCal race scene back in the late 90’s/early 2000’s. I don’t get all the inside jokes, but I can substitute for people I know or raced against. The cast of characters is the same where ever you go. One can find comfort in that … or despair.

      1. If that’s true, then you should be charging for the comments separately. I’m already paying to not read the blug. What do I owe you to not read the best part?

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