Shit you hear on the bike ride

We weren’t technically on the bike ride, but rather sitting at the coffee shop afterwards. Close enough.

It was somewhere between jokes about Starbucks’ supposedly superior pour-over coffee and ruminations on wedding rings that Fred Mackey let loose with the manliest sentence I’ve ever heard anywhere, and in less than twenty-five words at that.

One point assigned for each manlyism.

“My dad (1), who used to play hockey (2) as a goalie (3), once broke his wedding ring (4) when he caught a puck (5) with his hand (6).”

Top that. True stories only, please.

END

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mackey

25 thoughts on “Shit you hear on the bike ride”

  1. this might be the opposite…
    My dad, used to play catcher bare handed with me as i practiced as a baseball pitcher, trying to get me to throw harder, saying he didn’t need a glove.

  2. My parents took us to the drive-in when I was 6 and all the kids were playing near the swings & slide while waiting for the movie to start. Some kid and I agreed to a karate match and his first move was to kick me square in the nuts.

    1. Karate matches in Texas were never pre-arranged. One person simply attacked the other, usually when the other person’s back was turned. And the only thing that qualified it as karate was that there was a lot of yelling and kicking.

  3. I once used the wrong water temperature for my pour-over coffee– then I drank it anyway.

  4. J Marvin Campbell

    My high school principals name was Father Tribou. At one assembly he got up in front of 600 mothers and said:
    “Ladies, the way some of your sons come to school dressed makes me wonder what your house looks like. “

  5. My Dad fathered six kids (1). Thanks to his hard work, Mom never had to work outside of the home (2). They administered for all six of us some “seed money” for college or whatever (3). All of us are now contributing members of society (4). None of us have been to jail – that I know of (5). During his career Dad worked on the Apollo Command Module, the B1 Bomber and some kind of giant laser that 20 years later he still can’t talk about (6). He used to ride a 10 speed in the Santa Monica mountains with considerable speed and skill (7). He’s still kind enough to listen to me babble about bike technology and my various bike adventures and misadventures (8).

    I could go on…

    1. Properly scored:

      My Dad (1) fathered (2) six kids (3). Thanks to his hard work (4), Mom never had to work outside of the home (5). They administered for all six of us some “seed money” for college or whatever (6). All of us are now contributing members of society (7). None of us have been to jail – that I know of (8). During his career (9) Dad worked on the Apollo Command Module (10), the B1 Bomber (11) and some kind of giant laser (12) that 20 years later he still can’t talk about (13). He used to ride (14) a 10 speed (15) in the Santa Monica mountains (16) with considerable speed (17) and skill (18). He’s still kind enough (-1) to listen to me babble (-2) about bike technology (-3) and my various bike adventures (-4) and misadventures (-5).

      So, 13.

  6. My dad was a bricklayer, drove a pickup, stayed married to the same woman for 63 years (and counting) taught us the value of a dollar, and could give a very instructive asswhipping with no hint of anger, only clarity around your behavior.
    BTW, I think Mike wins.

    1. Properly scored:

      My dad (1) was a bricklayer (2), drove a pickup (3), stayed married (4) to the same woman (5) for 63 years (6) (and counting) taught us the value of a dollar (7), and could give a very instructive asswhipping (8) with no hint of anger (-1), only clarity around your behavior.

    1. Haaaaa! I guess if you had been a little one he would have wanted to exchange numbers?

  7. I (10 points) had my adenoids (5 points for correct spelling) removed without anesthesia (another 5 for spelling and a million for “without”).

    Next?

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