Yesterday I talked about Big Orange, my cycling club.
Today I’m going to talk about someone else’s cycling club, Big Banana.
They aren’t really competitors as much as they are contrasts.
With Big Banana, you kind of have to be invited, unless you are Douggie Smalls, in which case you have to beg for three years and still not get to join.
Big Orange has the One Rule: Don’t be a dick.
Big Banana has its own One Rule: Don’t be Douggie Smalls, which is kind of the same thing.
The only thing I really dislike about Big Orange is that it let me join. I would totally join Big Banana unless they invited me, in which case I would be rather contemptuous of their pathetic membership standards and refuse on those grounds alone.
Everything good happens in the off season
SoCal’s off season mirrors that of the World Tour, except that ours runs from Jan. 1 to Dec. 31. During this time everyone prepares for the racing they are never going to do, such as the Big Orange team training rides that focus on the big spring SoCal road races, sorry, race, ‘cuz there is only one left.
In addition to kitroversies, riders flaking off like a Folsom point to form new non-racing racing teams, presidential impeachment proceedings such as the one that removed Sausage as head of VCLG, funny-ass stick-in-your-eye newsletters, and visits to various Santa Monica “nutritionists” to “prepare” for the next “world” masters track championships, the off season is, most crucially, the time to make the hardest decision you will make all year:
How do I spend my secret PayPal savings that my SO doesn’t know about?
These mini-slush funds are most riders’ sole source of new kit funds, e-Tap funds, ceramic bearing funds, carbon wheel funds (FastForward, duh), or in my case iTalki Slovak/Chinese video lesson funds.
With the ceramic bearings and wheels you can often sneak ’em in without the SO noticing, but kits are much more difficult.
Making slush fund distribution harder this year, Team Big Banana has released its classic anti-orange kit for public consumption. Previously only seen by uber-cool South Bay posers who want the benefits of being in a club without the disadvantages of organization, rules, Dear Leaders, monthly board meetings, tents, parking lot crits, dues, parties, tent set-up, or anything besides occasional use of Major Bob’s Sprinter van, these kits are now being made available for the general public and Douggie.
The design is unique, and how could it not be? With [Meta Creative] devious designer Joe Yule at the helm, these kits are produced by Swiss maker Cuore (pronounced “Euro”) and if all the #fakenews, #propaganda, and #utterbullshit is to be believed, they are as comfortable as being snuggled against mommy’s breast.
Here’s the link. I swore I wouldn’t get another kit, but now that Mrs. Wankmeister has taken to falling off her bicycle on her very first NPR, here’s hoping she won’t complain. Store closes at midnight on October 21. Get that slush fund stirred!
You can’t afford another kit. You can’t even afford a subscription, right, Barraclough? But this isn’t about “affording.” It’s about looking good. Get a kit and please consider subscribing … Click here and select the “subscribe” link in the upper right-hand corner. Thank you!