Asian Methodists

My wife did her first NPR on Tuesday and it didn’t go so hot. She tipped over on the hill waiting for the light at the Chevron and skinned her elbow.

Everyone dashed off when the light turned green except one guy who waited for her. She pedaled over the hill and onto Vista del Mar. He came up alongside and gave her a push to get her up to speed.

The group was disappearing fast and she was still in shock from tipping over and now scared because she was going down the big hill at the  Chevron. The helpful guy pushed a little more until he realized that she was too nervous. “Please go ahead, I’m okay,” she said. “And thank you!”

Released from bondage, the rider sped off. Yasuko called her friend Michelle who picked her up and took her to coffee. Thankfully, unlike her daredevil husband, Yasuko kept her helmet on inside the car, which is where most non-self-inflicted, non-fall related head injuries are likely to occur. I hope that all helmet advocates are equally consistent.

Back at the ranch

“So who was this nice guy who helped you?” I asked.

“I couldn’t recognize him because of his glasses and helmet but he was a nice young man, a kind of tall guy, an Asian Methodist, I am pretty sure.”

“A what?”

“An Asian guy, I think. He looked Asian.”

We talked about the rest of the ride but I still couldn’t figure out what the hell she meant by Methodist. Sometimes, when you have been married for more than thirty years, you just shut up, and then after you get finished shutting up, you shut some more.

Sausage text

The next day I got a text from Sausage. “Hey, man, Mrs. WM did great on the NPR despite her tipping-over-incident. I gave her a little push to try and get her up to the group but she didn’t look very comfortable so I did what any self-disrespecting bike racer would do, I left her and caught the group before they were gone for good.”

“Thanks, Sausage,” I texted back.

Yasuko was sitting at the table. “Hey honey,” I said. “The guy who pushed you was Sausage.”


“Yeah, the tall, fair-skinned, blue-eyed Greek Caucasian Asian guy.”

“Oh,” she said. “Well, I couldn’t tell. He looked like a nice young Asian man at the time.”

Finally I couldn’t stand it any more. “Why did you say he’s a Methodist?”

“Because of his kit. It looked like one of those kits.”

“What kits?”

“You know, Rahsaan and Charon’s team.”

“Rahsaan and Charon?”

“Yes. Don’t they ride for Methodist Winning?”




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21 thoughts on “Asian Methodists”

  1. I don’t care if you made that up. It’s funny. And funny enough I suppose I have to subscribe again. I don’t even ride anymore…. Damn you!

    1. If I had made it up … well, let’s just say I’d be a way more successful writer than I am! And THANK YOU FOR SUBSCRIBING!!

  2. I’m married to a beautiful woman from Cuba, so I can say that your first instinct to just shut up was good. On the other hand, I can’t blame you for eventually having to ask. The only problem I see is that now that you have published the details, you may be sentenced to sleeping on the balcony with the hummingbirds.

  3. Riding shotgun while helmeted is eminently sensible. Mrs. Waldo and I used to garden while wearing helmets when we came home from tandem rides. Because all household accidents occur at home and you just can’t be too careful…

    1. It’s really true. Anyone who doesn’t garden in a helmet is sending a terrible message to the broader gardening community, irresponsibly encouraging them to risk death or WORSE by hoeing with a hoe without a helmet.

      I henceforth am canceling my subscription to all gardening bloggers and their hoes who hoe without a helmet.

        1. The last numbskull to garden in an apple orchard without a helmet ended up with a severe concussion and the three laws of motion. #loser

  4. That moment when you are reminded just how dramatically different your better half sees the world and processes information. Charmingly hilarious.

    1. Immediately followed by that moment when you realize that everything is lost in translation and there is no translator!

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