Autumn 2-for-1 blog sale!
November 7, 2018 § 6 Comments
Cycling in the South Bay is rolling out its 2-for-1 blog sale. For a limited time only, you can subscribe to the blog and read it a second time for free!
In these tough times, it is important to support locally grown blogs that provide a steady stream of thoughtful, mature, intelligent commentary on the cycling world around us, a voice that is respected, reflective, and that refuses on principle to say degrading things like “That guy is a real motherfucker.”
Why you should subscribe
As part of our autumn subscription drive, the editorial staff has compiled a list of reasons to help persuade you to financially support our socially redeeming work.
- So that you won’t be a deadbeat. Market research shows that CitSB has three types of readers: Readers who don’t subscribe, subscribers who don’t read, and non-readers who claim to never read but comb through it like a dog scratching fleas. If you are a non-subscribing reader, or a non-reading reader, isn’t it time you quit being such a cheapskate? $2.99 a month. You got this!
- Protection. Very few subscribers have ever been fed into the dreaded CitSB meatgrinder. Although it happens, the best way to make sure your sordid doping history stays under wraps is to subscribe. $2.99 a month? It’s cheaper protection than a pack of condoms.
- Proper bowel movements. 99% of all subscribers say that CitSB helps them move mountains during their morning poop. I’m not kidding. Compare a CitSB monthly subscription of $2.99 to a packet of Ex-Lax. See? Cheap!
- Stay uninformed. Most people spend too much time reading about depressing real-world events. Here at CitSB, it’s all true except for the parts I make up, which is all of it. Happy endings. Ridiculous tales. Flights of fancy. You’ll finish reading and be just as ignorant as when you started. Knowledge is power but ignorance only costs $2.99 a month.
- Guaranteed ox-goring. Part of CitSB’s editorial mission is to make fun of your silly sacred cow. Whether it’s a ripoff fundraiser or phony masters track racers who beat two other doddering idiots to be crowned “world champion,” CitSB isn’t afraid to make fun of you. And you need that. Get off your high horse for only $2.99 a month. Cheaper than that fancy shrink!!
- ROI. Every dollar you spend on this fine publication results in at least 500 ragingly angry, pompous jackasses who think “this song is about them.” Best joke of all? It isn’t!!
- Robert Lewis Chapman, Jr. Thanks to CitSB, PV Estates’ favorite citizen hasn’t slept since July, 2016. Weirdly, there’s ANOTHER Robert Lewis Chapman with a criminal trial coming up on November 27 in Inglewood criminal court, charged with violating Penal Code 166(A)(4). Completely different person? Um, okay.
- Fitness tips. Here? Um, no. But still, $2.99.
- Openly biased. Most publications pretend to be objective. Here at CitSB, you know which end of the scale we have our thumb on. $2.99 for some homegrown #fakenews? Deal!!
- Accountability. Got a gripe? You know where to find me!