I was talking to a friend who said “Man, I am tired. My legs feel terrible.”
“Then you should rest,” I said
“Are you crazy? Tired legs mean you’re fit.”
I shook my head. “That’s nuts.”
Then I remembered a conversation I once had with Derek the Destroyer. “Best results come when your legs are tired,” he had said.
“That’s fucked up,” I had dismissed it.
A couple of days ago I was having coffee with my coach. Actually I don’t have a coach. He is more like a friend. Actually, I don’t have any friends. He is more like someone I bought a cup of coffee for. Actually, he hates coffee.
“So what’s all this bullshit about tired legs being good?” I asked.
“It’s true. Tired legs mean you are fit.”
“Dude, my legs are fuggin’ NEVER tired.”
He shrugged. “You’re proving my point.”
“So are you always tired then?”
“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
“Like how tired?”
“I fall asleep mid-day. Can’t focus. Constantly disoriented.” Then he nodded off mid-sentence. I shook his shoulder.
“So I should be more tired?”
He blinked like an owl. “Where am I?”
“Okay, okay, I get it,” I said. “2019 is gonna be the year of the tired, starting now.”
Coachnotcoach nodded, smiled, and drifted back off.
Getting on the program
I went home and took out my trusty notepad to sketch out my training plan. Obviously I had been going way too easy on myself. I get up at 4:30 AM every morning, and since I go to sleep at 9:30, that’s a whole seven hours of sleep. I immediately penciled in 3:30 as my new wake-up time.
Then I reviewed my usual schedule, which looks like this:
Monday: Rest day
Tuesday: Easy spin
Wednesday: Rest day
Thursday: Brisk pedal
Friday: Coffee cruise
Saturday: 3 hour spin
Sunday: Rest day
Factoring in my new training plan, which was to always be tired, I came up with this revised schedule:
Monday: Easy 3-hour spin
Tuesday: Ten 30-sec. intervals followed by NPR, followed by 20 miles of hard climbing
Wednesday: 1-hour all-out effort
Thursday: 4-hour climbing ride with The Big One, Anchovy, Friendship Park, Domes x 2, Via Zumaya, the Woods repeats x 3
Friday: 50-mile coffee cruise with one 20-minute threshold effort
Saturday: 40-mile warm-up, Donut Ride, 40-mile cool down
Sunday: 150-mile easy recovery ride
No slack in the schedule
It was pretty obvious that the above schedule was going to tire me out so that I would really be able to go fast, but it seemed like I’d overlooked something, and I had: Nutrition. Turns out I am overeating for a true exhaustion training plan, so I went through my normal diet, which looks like this:
- Breakfast: Piece of bread
- Lunch: Piece of bread with a teaspoon of peanut butter
- Snack: Half a small banana
- Dinner: 100g of plain pasta with salt
This type of gluttony wasn’t going to cut it, so I went immediately for the overage (and I know it’s hitting you in the face like a bucket of spit), which is clearly the banana. So the new Exhaustion Diet looks like this:
- Breakast: Half a piece of bread
- Lunch: Small cup of water
- Snack: Smaller cup of water
- Dinner: Salt
Anyway, please check back soon as I will be updating this blog with the results of my new training plan. You are free to use this plan, but please give me proper attribution.
Sciencey training factoids galore. Can you say BARGAIN? Click here and select the “subscribe” link in the upper right-hand corner. Thank you!
Special movie news, from my friend Kurt Broadhag: There will be a screening of the RAAM movie on Nov. 28th at the AMC Galleria South Bay 16 at 6:30 pm. For the show to go through, he needs 40 more people to purchase tickets within the next five days. You can get tickets at: https://tickets.demand.film/event/6316