2019 Paris-Roubaix moves to office park

Due to safety concerns regarding grass growing between the pave in the Arenberg Trench, race organizer ASO has made the decision to move next year’s Paris-Roubaix to an office park.

“Arenberg is too dangerous,” said Pierre Chateaubriand-Camembert, head of Les Amis de Paris-Roubaix, the organization responsible for maintaining the pave on the race’s historic cobbled sections. “People can get hurt.”

Although organizers considered covering the pave with asphalt, widening the roads, and holding the race only during sunny weather, Les Amis ultimately concluded that the traditional parcours was simply “Trop dangereuse.”

“We find that excellent race conditions, indeed, the best in the world, are currently in Californie du Sud, where Le Office Park and Le CBR make for the most exciting bicycle racing anywhere. The time has come to retire the pave,” said Chateubriand-Camembert.

Local fans were displeased but understanding. “Yes, it has a hundred year history and many great moments, but now everyone is doped, controlled by a radio, and measuring every effort with a power meter. What difference does it make?” asked Jean-Claude Michelin, a long-time spectator.

Belgian fan Wout Wouthout was skeptical. “At this office park, I have one question. Can we buy beer there, vomit on ourselves, and pass out in the ditch?”

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