With the plethora of incredibly hard rides now found in the South Bay, cyclists looking for a Sunday break have nowhere to turn. Whether it is the killer hard FDR, leg-smashing BCCC challenges, Team Lizard Collectors freight train rides to the Rock, La Grunge Horse Dentist beatdown rides, soul-destroying PV Bicycle Club hammer fests, #leavmethefuckalone White Men Only Rides, or crazy-intense training sessions for that 70+ 2-minute track event, cyclists have been getting zero recovery on Sunday in the South Bay.
It is therefore time to resuscitate the rotten old corpse of the Wheatgrass Ride. Historically, the Wheatass Ride, organized and led by Iron Mike Norris, was a time when riders could do a ride of any pace with a friendly group, always assured of a regroup, and finishing with smiles and puke-inducing cups of wheatgrass, always paid for by Dr. Norris.
Once his 401k was depleted, Iron Mike learned what the rest of us have always known: Supporting community and friendship among cyclists is like sharing your hands and feet in a pool of starving sharks.
Putting the “K” back in “community”
The old Wheatgrass Ride took about two hours and was open to riders of all levels. No one ever ran you off because you were the wrong color, gender, or ethnicity, although many were run off because they forced the pace going around the golf course, thereby passing the front wheel of Iron Mike, which led to instant excommunication.
Nowadays the only Sunday ride on the Hill is the Italian Geriatric Ride, a brutal slugfest of the best dressed dandies ever to throw a leg over a top tube. Few can hang with the style, the matchy-matchy color coordination of bike/helmet/gloves/shoes/Medicare card, and the physical toll that this grueling ride takes, and especially when ridden after the BCCC Challenge Ride, it is more than most mortals can withstand.
Therefore, local gentlefellow Mat “Pornstache” Guitar has reinstituted the Wheatass Ride with a few modifications to make it even more friendly, receptive, and recovery-oriented than it used to be. A Strava computer-generated graphic is attached below for data folks who want to analyze the ride prior to seeing if they are likely to lose any KOMs.
- Starts at Malaga Cove Plaza at 8:00 AM, pointy-sharp.
- Goes gently up the Golf Course, turns right on PV Drive North.
- Continues along PV Drive North to Stathisridge, a gentle, 500-yard ascent that terminates in a cul-de-sac.
- Descends on a well-maintained, easy gradient (some have insultingly called it a muddy horse path) to Crenshaw.
- Descends Crest back to PV Drive North.
- Continues on PV Drive North to the reservoir in which there is no water, climbs to the top.
- Descends to Miraleste, then does Better Homes to Domes.
- Rides the Glass Church rollers to Hawthorne.
- Takes Hawthorne to Monaco, to Crest, and then to Whitley Collins.
- There is no wheatgrass at the end, but plenty of coffee (paid for by you), at the Starbucks at PV Mall.
Ride notes: The point behind this ride is camaraderie, freshening up, and recovery. Conversation pace at all times. All climbs are short and gentle, no out-of-the-saddle climbing, especially on Sunnyridge oops I mean Stathisridge. Conversational pace up the reservoir climb. Conversational pace up Better Homes. Conversational pace to the Domes. Conversational pace along the Glass Church rollers. No sprunting for the Hawthorne sprint sign. Conversational pace up Hawthorne and Monaco, and especially lots of conversation up Whitley Collins.
We especially want to welcome Baby Seal and his Origin teammates, and encourage them to come conversation with us, not to mention all other riders looking for a chillaxin’ day on the bike with friends.