Meet the Candidates, Part 5

As we approach the March 5 municipal election for city council in Palos Verdes Estates, it is time to complete our penetrating analysis of the diverse set of almost exclusively white candidates running for office. It is widely agreed that this municipal election is pivotal in the history of PVE: Will the city remain white and exclusive, or exclusive and white?

We sat down with Kevin McCarthy, the New Jersey native who has worked with LAPD for over 30 years helping keep black and brown people out of wealthy neighborhoods and in jail where they belong. As a second term member of the PVE Traffic Safety Committee, we were especially interested in his stance on the Big Orange Cycling Gang that has been terrorizing the local unicorns.

CitSB: So, what’s a nice Jersey boy like you doing in a toney SoCal enclave like this?

KC: Hey, let’s get one ting straight. I ain’t from Joisey. I’m from Nu Yoak.

CitSB: Oh, right. Sorry about that. Which exit?

KC: Begya pahdon?

CitSB: Inside Jersey joke. Or New York joke. I can’t keep them straight. Which one is famous for its police brutality?

KC: Dat’d be Joisey. Nu Yoak ain’t bad, though.

CitSB: Check. So, we see that you’re really into traffic safety and stuff. What’s your position on cyclists in PV Estates?

KC: I lub ’em.

CitSB: Excuse me?

KC: Youse hoid me, I lub ’em. Bikes, see, dey’s great. Cuts down on da traffic, cuts down on da pollution, dey’s good fuh da viment, see? We need moa bikes heah in owa city. Dis is a small town and small town’s ain’t needin’ no moa cahs, see?

CitSB: Wow, a bike advocate on the PV Estates Traffic Committee? And running for city council? That’s incredible.

KC: Jus kiddin. Fuk da bikes. Youse wanna know what I tink when I sees a bike? I tink, dere’s a crook oughta be inna slammah, see? When I’m da boss o dis town dere ain’t gonna be no bikes nowhea, see? Dat’s how it’s gonna be when I staht callin da shots heah.

CitSB: Okay, so moving on, where are you on white people?

KC: Dey’s numbah one. Lub ’em.

CitSB: Taxes?

KC: Don’t need none o dem taxes, see?

CitSB: Local police force? In your candidate forum video, as one of the senior commanders at LAPD, you make it pretty clear that what’s good for Los Angeles would be horrible for rich white people. Care to expound on that?

KC: LAPD is a huge oaganization, see? PVE is a tiny town, see? See?

CitSB: I see. And finally, what about this photo of you on a horse trampling the lawn?

KC: Oh, dat? Dat’s my hoas, Bessie. Ain’t she a beaut?

CitSB: So you’re quite the equestrian?

KC: Nah, I’m a hoasman.

CitSB: Um, okay. Thanks.

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END

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