July 4 Holiday Ride recap

  1. Shut up already about “safety.” You were 1 of 250 idiots racing full speed in an illegal, un-permitted street race, endangering the lives of pedestrians, the lives of fire hydrants, and the lives of each other, all for the glory of getting dropped on Mandeville.
  2. Yes, that is a traffic light. Like a coop of chickens smelling a fox, every time we approached an intersection, half the wankoton cackled “Light!” “Slowing!” Are you fucking kidding me? Anyone who can’t see a traffic light or notice that people are going from 30 to 10 IS ON A DIFFERENT RIDE. And … “Crack! Hole!” on Vista del Mar?? THAT STREET IS A SOLID 3-MILE CREVASSE, MINEFIELD, AND RUBBLE PILE. Stfu and pedal..
  3. Start is start. The Holiday Ride starts at CotKU. If you were a hop-in wanker somewhere along the route, please note that on your Stravver.
  4. Pull like Keith. Shirtless Keith drove the front and blew up repeatedly all the way to San Vicente. I know it sucks to get sweat on your $250.00 custom team jersey, but it sucks even more to be on a bike ride and NOT RIDE YER FUGGIN’ BIKE.
  5. How the West won. Why were all the South Bay wankers shelled in the first 500 meters up Mandeville? Why was the leaderboard populated exclusively with Westsiders? Because the South Bay is a) Old b) Soft c) Weak. d) All of the above. [Hint: Correct answer is “d.”]
  6. Kit winner of the day: Shirtless Keith. Of course. Best boots and Pop-Tart strap-on outside a prison work gang.
  7. Butter on a griddle. That’s what the peloton looked like when Rudy Napolitano took a 23-mph pull all the way up San Vicente. Number of pretty boyz/gurlz who followed his example and took a pull: 0. Number who decided suddenly that this was a rest week: 50% of the peloton.
  8. Riders killed or horribly maimed because helmetless: 0.
  9. Blowhard #socmed heroes who were obliterated in the first 1/4 of the climb despite never taking a single fuggin’ pull: All of them.
  10. Best Gram videos: Baby Seal and Ramon, of course!

END

9 thoughts on “July 4 Holiday Ride recap”

  1. Margaret Smiddy

    I’ve noticed a correlation between folks who have real race hardware (nationals, worlds – not age group worlds, Olympics etc) and going on about oneself. They tend to be a quiet and comfortable lot, just out there doing the work, generally nice to their fellow sufferers.

  2. Michael Frias

    Those custom Rapha team jerseys cost $250 bucks?!! That’s an outrage! 😳

  3. J Marvin Campbell

    Yasuko pulled up next to me on SV. “I am so tired. So very tired. This is so hard!”
    Then she pedaled away.

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