Bike shit I have wasted money on


  1. Power meter. All it told me what was I already knew: YOU SUCK.
  2. Deep dish wheels. Deep dish belongs on pizza. Period.
  3. Anything ‘cross. Everything ‘cross. Cross is my personality, not my bike.
  4. Masters race entry fees. Subsidizing other people’s drug problems? I don’t think so.
  5. GoPro. I am not a pro. I can barely go. So, no.
  6. The Stravver premium subscription. Kidding. Even I’m not that lame.
  7. Turbotrainer. I had one of those in 1984. Still haven’t recovered from the extensive brain damage.
  8. Skinsuits. I already have skin. Suits I wear to court. Ergo, bad combo, like “fun interval.” Nup. Nah. Nuh-nuh. Nopey nope nope.
  9. Track bike. Do road or do track, doing both is like cross dressing. It only impresses a few weird people.
  10. Aero bar extenders. When you have the form of a pig hunching a greased football, them bar extenders don’t mean squat.



30 thoughts on “Bike shit I have wasted money on”

  1. Michael Smith

    Aero handlebars. Like traditional round handlebars are totally the cause of me not winning sprints.

  2. I love my Strava. Not for competing on segments, but for recording the details of my ride, so when I plan a ride, or plan to to ride with a friend (my friends and I want to know this) I can tell how long a certain ride is (both time and distance). All the other stuff, agree.

    1. The only data point I care about is “Did I live?” If not, I take a different route.

  3. I am using Strava to calculate my time of death. By plotting my speed through a few benchmark segments over the years I can determine where it crosses the 0 axis. A few months before that date I’ll buy a term life insurance policy.

  4. I wasted money putting my old Fuji back on the road. When a bike is done, get rid of it.

    Topolino Wheels – Nelson Vails may have endorsed them, but they aren’t built for clydesdales

    I do love my Track Bike. Elegance in Simplicity. Driving two hours to the track? Not much love there.

    Strava Premium – Yeah right.

    Zwift – Put on yer clothes and get outside on your fuggin bike.

    Maintenance – What maintenance?

  5. Extra tires bought at bike shop closing sales. I wear out tires, but not that fast.

    The touring bike, owned for 10 extra years without riding it. But I have not toured since 1985.

    1. I recently switched to tubeless off-road. But I still refuse to ride off-road. #dumbanddumberanddumbest

  6. Gallons of gel -Thought it would make me faster. It didn’t.
    Gel insoles – Thought it would make me faster. It didn’t.
    Cycling coaching sessions – Thought it would make me faster. It didn’t.
    A buddy suggested I get an ebike but I fear the same result.

  7. Business park criteriums.
    Time trial bike.
    Flat and windy races.
    Rainy races.
    Traveling a long way to races I had no hope of doing well in.

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