Bike shit I have wasted money on
July 10, 2019 § 30 Comments
MY TOP TEN:
- Power meter. All it told me what was I already knew: YOU SUCK.
- Deep dish wheels. Deep dish belongs on pizza. Period.
- Anything ‘cross. Everything ‘cross. Cross is my personality, not my bike.
- Masters race entry fees. Subsidizing other people’s drug problems? I don’t think so.
- GoPro. I am not a pro. I can barely go. So, no.
- The Stravver premium subscription. Kidding. Even I’m not that lame.
- Turbotrainer. I had one of those in 1984. Still haven’t recovered from the extensive brain damage.
- Skinsuits. I already have skin. Suits I wear to court. Ergo, bad combo, like “fun interval.” Nup. Nah. Nuh-nuh. Nopey nope nope.
- Track bike. Do road or do track, doing both is like cross dressing. It only impresses a few weird people.
- Aero bar extenders. When you have the form of a pig hunching a greased football, them bar extenders don’t mean squat.
Even tacos al carbon?
Aero handlebars. Like traditional round handlebars are totally the cause of me not winning sprints.
Haaaa! Not to mention ceramics, which belong IN THE FUCKING CUPBOARD.
I love my Strava. Not for competing on segments, but for recording the details of my ride, so when I plan a ride, or plan to to ride with a friend (my friends and I want to know this) I can tell how long a certain ride is (both time and distance). All the other stuff, agree.
The only data point I care about is “Did I live?” If not, I take a different route.
I am using Strava to calculate my time of death. By plotting my speed through a few benchmark segments over the years I can determine where it crosses the 0 axis. A few months before that date I’ll buy a term life insurance policy.
A few months before I’ll cancel mine.
As slow as I ride? Everything.
But I still love it.
I wasted money putting my old Fuji back on the road. When a bike is done, get rid of it.
Topolino Wheels – Nelson Vails may have endorsed them, but they aren’t built for clydesdales
I do love my Track Bike. Elegance in Simplicity. Driving two hours to the track? Not much love there.
Strava Premium – Yeah right.
Zwift – Put on yer clothes and get outside on your fuggin bike.
Maintenance – What maintenance?
“When a bike is done, get rid of it.” Oh, yes indeed.
11. Hospital bills…
12. CitSB x 2.
Extra tires bought at bike shop closing sales. I wear out tires, but not that fast.
The touring bike, owned for 10 extra years without riding it. But I have not toured since 1985.
All those years it was unridden it could have been in a dumpster. Sad.
Zwift is the worst. Tubeless road.
I recently switched to tubeless off-road. But I still refuse to ride off-road. #dumbanddumberanddumbest
Gallons of gel -Thought it would make me faster. It didn’t.
Gel insoles – Thought it would make me faster. It didn’t.
Cycling coaching sessions – Thought it would make me faster. It didn’t.
A buddy suggested I get an ebike but I fear the same result.
Drugs–Thought they would make me faster. They did.
Went back to Speedplay.
no Ralpha! Just Way Too Much Money for bike stuff!
I wasted $5 on spray paint for my Schwinn Varsity. It still rides the same.
$2.99 a month on some bike lawyer’s blog
Biggest waste evah!!!
That’s pretty funny
Business park criteriums.
Time trial bike.
Flat and windy races.
Traveling a long way to races I had no hope of doing well in.
You had me at races.