MY TOP TEN:
- Power meter. All it told me what was I already knew: YOU SUCK.
- Deep dish wheels. Deep dish belongs on pizza. Period.
- Anything ‘cross. Everything ‘cross. Cross is my personality, not my bike.
- Masters race entry fees. Subsidizing other people’s drug problems? I don’t think so.
- GoPro. I am not a pro. I can barely go. So, no.
- The Stravver premium subscription. Kidding. Even I’m not that lame.
- Turbotrainer. I had one of those in 1984. Still haven’t recovered from the extensive brain damage.
- Skinsuits. I already have skin. Suits I wear to court. Ergo, bad combo, like “fun interval.” Nup. Nah. Nuh-nuh. Nopey nope nope.
- Track bike. Do road or do track, doing both is like cross dressing. It only impresses a few weird people.
- Aero bar extenders. When you have the form of a pig hunching a greased football, them bar extenders don’t mean squat.