Our third annual Big Day is right around the corner, and although it’s been on the calendar since May, folks are coming up with some impressive excuses that have, all of a sudden, made it IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM to do the 240-mile ride with a little climb up Gibraltar at the midpoint. I’ve kept track of the excuses over the years and am sharing them with you below.
Feel free to use them the next time you are trying to get out of a ride without flat-out saying, “I’m afraid of getting dropped.”
The excuses are listed in no particular order, except the last one, which is the best one of all time. One common theme in many of these excuses, and something to be massaged if you choose to adopt one, is the use of conflicting schedules that are fairly predictable such as birthdays, weddings, c-sections, etc. Without exception, these were all delivered with a straight face.
- My work schedule (which I totally control because, self-employed) got too busy all of a sudden.
- I have to go to my boss’s wife’s birthday party.
- My new job has me all stressed out and I haven’t been training enough.
- My manager’s son in Manitoba has got some personal issues and he has to go be with him so I have to run the front office that day.
- I have to be home in time for a concert I promised to go to with my girlfriend that we bought tickets for in January which I knew about five months before agreeing to go on the ride.
- Trump’s new immigration rules require me to leave the country.
- My brother is getting married. In France.
- I’m sick, my lower back is all fucked up, I’m waiting on the results of an MRI, my doctor told me not to ride, I’ll go with you to the Rock. [Ed. note: That’s 120 miles, round trip.]
- I haven’t ridden my bike since I said I’d go. Back in May.
- My son starts college in Boston tomorrow and I have to go with him.
- My family is going to be in Colorado that weekend and I want to enjoy time with my son while he is young.
- I told you a couple of months ago I was out I’m pretty sure, didn’t I? You must not have gotten that email. Did you check your spam folder?
- It is flooding and my plane can’t take off.
- I fell off my bicycle.
- My daughter is having a team photo shoot with her kiddie soccer team and I can’t miss that memory.
- I won a major contract at work and am sitting in a motel room in Texas right now.
- I trained really hard for the ride and am killing it I would love to do it but this weekend I suddenly have something I can’t avoid thank you you can see my power files if you don’t believe how fit I am.
- I can’t go. A cold. My wife.
GRAND WINNER: My dog is sick and I have to dogsit him.
Read this far? Go ahead and hit this “subscribe” link. Even if you didn’t inherit all your money from daddy’s real estate empire or drive a Lamborghini, you can STILL afford it! Prolly …