#fake World Champion protests punishment for cheating

Dutch U-23 #fake world champion Nils Eekhof was astonished at being stripped of his #real world championship road win yesterday in England, a formerly great nation now being Brexited by Trump’s quarter-wit cousin.

CitSB sat down with Nils to discuss the travesty.

CitSB: So what happened?

NE: I won the title and the fraudsters on the race jury took it away.

CitSB: Why?

NE: Cheating. Because I cheated, ferfuxake.

CitSB: Wow. How did you cheat?

NE: I drafted behind a team car for an hour.

CitSB: Impressive. And they dq’d you for that?

NE: Yes. I’ve already assembled a legal team.

CitSB: Can you share with us the plan of attack?

NE: Pretty simple. I cheated obvious AF and now they’re saying I cheated.

CitSB: Can’t get simpler than that.

NE: If they’re going to dq me for cheating, what will happen to all the cheating?

CitSB: What do you mean?

NE: The cheating in cycling. Drugs, sticky water bottles, cutting the course, motorized bb’s, illegal aero fabrics, 8-inch sock cuffs, team car tows, line changes in the sprint, everything.

CitSB: I hadn’t thought of that.

NE: Right? You take down one cheater and the other cheaters stop cheating. Then what do you have?

CitSB: A bike race?

NE: Exactly. You want to fuck up this beautiful commercial and computerized endeavor with bike racing?

CitSB: I’m not sure the fans could handle it.

NE: They couldn’t. They don’t want it.

CitSB: So you felt like your cheating was fair?

NE: It was very fair. I cheated 100% according to the rules.

CitSB: What will you do if the dq stands? Will you stop cheating?

NE: (rolls eyes) Oh, sure.

CitSB: Good luck.

END


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4 thoughts on “#fake World Champion protests punishment for cheating”

    1. Exactly. He could have drafted behind the team steam locomotive or trolley. Or the team subway.

  1. Great line in the opening paragraph for a post about cheating……”a formerly great nation now being Brexited by Trump’s quarter-wit cousin.”

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