Dutch U-23 #fake world champion Nils Eekhof was astonished at being stripped of his #real world championship road win yesterday in England, a formerly great nation now being Brexited by Trump’s quarter-wit cousin.
CitSB sat down with Nils to discuss the travesty.
CitSB: So what happened?
NE: I won the title and the fraudsters on the race jury took it away.
NE: Cheating. Because I cheated, ferfuxake.
CitSB: Wow. How did you cheat?
NE: I drafted behind a team car for an hour.
CitSB: Impressive. And they dq’d you for that?
NE: Yes. I’ve already assembled a legal team.
CitSB: Can you share with us the plan of attack?
NE: Pretty simple. I cheated obvious AF and now they’re saying I cheated.
CitSB: Can’t get simpler than that.
NE: If they’re going to dq me for cheating, what will happen to all the cheating?
CitSB: What do you mean?
NE: The cheating in cycling. Drugs, sticky water bottles, cutting the course, motorized bb’s, illegal aero fabrics, 8-inch sock cuffs, team car tows, line changes in the sprint, everything.
CitSB: I hadn’t thought of that.
NE: Right? You take down one cheater and the other cheaters stop cheating. Then what do you have?
CitSB: A bike race?
NE: Exactly. You want to fuck up this beautiful commercial and computerized endeavor with bike racing?
CitSB: I’m not sure the fans could handle it.
NE: They couldn’t. They don’t want it.
CitSB: So you felt like your cheating was fair?
NE: It was very fair. I cheated 100% according to the rules.
CitSB: What will you do if the dq stands? Will you stop cheating?
NE: (rolls eyes) Oh, sure.
CitSB: Good luck.
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