Donut report 12/21/19

December 21, 2019 § 2 Comments

Today’s Donut was convincingly crushed by Andy Angel, the pretty nice guy who isn’t very nice when he starts pedaling hard.

Tokyo Olympian Gavin Hoover was along for the ride and kept the pace murderous coming out of Lunada Bay after an early rocket launch by Ramon Ramos.

Team-or-is-it-a-Club Origin started the ride beneath a segregated tent in front of new sponsor Hi-Fi Espresso, and quickly doubled the size of the peloton with their 72-person team-or-are-they-club riders, none of whom made it out of Lunada Bay except for Stathis the Wily Greek, Ivan Fernandez, Foxy, Ramon, and Jon Petrucci.

Major smashing by Jon Davy, Jared the Kid, and Andy en route to the Switchbacks left the group quivering for the first ascent. Gavin stoked the fire with a huge effort followed by The Force, who shelled another half dozen or so riders.

Petrucci then launched and I latched on like a suckerfish, with Wily, Jared, and Andy along for the festivities. Andy took the reins after the second turn and extended the gap back to the shrapnel.

After taking a brief rest, Andy attacked again, shelling me and Jared, and speeding away, with Petrucci and Wily hanging on for dear life. Jon got dropped, we caught him, and then he ditched us again with another 700w effort going up to the Domes, turning in an incredible chase to bridge the gap up to Wily and Andy.

Now it was 2-against-1, but when Petrucci bridged, Wily inexplicably slung him forward, not giving him time to rest from his herculean effort. Andy followed, took a deep breath, and then attacked the two teammates-or-are-they-clubmates, neither of whom could respond as Andy claimed the first climb of the day. Jared sprinted around me at the end after pulling me most of the way up to the Domes.

I was able to do a little dance as I’d beaten The Force, Pornstache Brousseau, and Alx Bns on a climb for the first time ever, proving that my regimen of all drugs all the time was working.

After going through Pedro, Pornstache throttled it coming up 9th Street, dropping a bunch of people as we hit Via Colinita. Gavin then did the rest, kicking me out the back, where I was able to hitch up with the ageless JP Jones, who dragged me back to PV Drive, where I clung onto The Force’s wheel. JP took us to Crest and The Force dropped him.

I stayed on The Force’s wheel and planned to sprint around her at the end, but just as I got ready to sprunt, she jumped and left me wondering who turned out the lights. Andy again slew Stathis for the second climb of the day.

Through Portuguese Bend there was a flurry of accelerations. The dude whose name I don’t know hit it hard on the Glass Church. I jumped and after a bit he counter-jumped. I struggled onto his wheel, and before the top of the second bump I counter-counter-jumped, shaking free with only Ivan and Petrucci in tow.

Petrucci took us at Mach 4 all the way to the bottom of the bump past Terranea then I repaid his selflessness with a hard kick, then Ivan blew by for the first and only Origin-Team-or-is-it-a-Club victory of the day. Pornstache then raced to Via Zumaya, where we picked up Troy Emmanuelson, who decided that instead of riding around the hill, he would race up the last Donut climb.

Troy, who has never climbed a hill in his life faster than you’d go up on a unicycle, roared up Zumaya and was only caught when Dandy, The Force, Scott Fleming, and JP Jones worked a four-man TT to catch him. Once caught he simply went to the front and pulled like a monster until he blew shortly before the top.

Troy attributed his new-found climbing prowess to retirement, living at the top of a hill, and getting “lots of sleep.” I live at the top of a hill and get lots of sleep, too, but couldn’t keep him in sight. Must be the retirement.

Not sure who took the final climb, but I’m guessing Andy.

Over and out.


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