Today’s fireworks got started outside Hi-Fi Espresso, when I inadvertently jostled Orlando Cabanday as he was sipping a coffee. The bump sent warm coffee all over his face, down his shirt, and dripping down his chin. He began screaming “Douche! You douche! You douche!” over and over as I apologized profusely. The more I apologized, the madder he got. I couldn’t understand his preoccupation with feminine hygiene products, but I kept apologizing.
Team boss Marco Cubillos then ran over and furthered the fascination with female genitalia by yelling “You pussy!” at me as I continued to apologize. I’m sure that next week Hi-Fi will have a sign outside the door saying “No cyclists!” which won’t be a problem for Orlando as he had certainly not shown up to do the ride; when the Donut rolled out he was nowhere to be found.
Coming out of Malaga Cove, Rebekah Potter attacked and strung the 40-odd riders out into a single file, with Tom Duong second wheel. I drifted to the back as Rebekah throttled it all the way to the top of the Cove climb. Bob Reichman was totally in flog mode and went all in on every single climb.
A group of riders including Jon Petrucci, Leo Bugtai, Ivan Fernandez, and Rebekah escaped in Lunada Bay. On PV Drive West, Eric Anderson closed down most of the gap in an especially painful effort, but no one was able to come through at his speed and bring back the escapees. Certainly not me.
David Wells took a meaty pull on the downhill past the fire station but couldn’t bring back the four riders; nor could Ramon Ramos with a huge attacking effort after Portuguese Bend. Young Bearded Dude hit it on the Switchbacks and whittled down the chasers to four riders–me, Kevin Phillips, Bearded Dude, and Aaron with the Trek Jersey. Bearded Dude fell off the pace as we caught Ivan; Petrucci and Leo had shelled Rebekah as we turned up Crest.
Aaron had to pull over and undress, leaving me and Kevin to chase. I managed to get up to Rebekah’s wheel and pass her for third, with Petrucci getting the Hi-Fi coffee card and a point for the 2020 Donut Title.
From San Pedro, Jon Davy opened the throttle at the bottom of Western, with Gio DiOrio and Aaron with the Trek Jersey on his wheel. Gio and Aaron tailed off and I hung on as Davy rode at threshold all the way to Better Homes, where he deposited me like a steaming pile of daisies. The distance that Jon had put on the group was so great that I rode to the top of the Domes solo, winning my own coffee card, which was awesome. Leo and Josh Dorfman followed.
The Hawthorne sprunt promised to be a real smash-em-up, as Charon Smith, Nigel De Sota, Eric, Davy, and several other fast finishers were in attendance. Wells drilled it through Portuguese Bend, keeping it single file and safe until Nigel took over. Nigel led up the Glass Church, and though I got a small gap, I was hauled back without too much effort by the pack. By the time the sprunt rolled around, the group had been whittled down to about seven riders, with Charon taking the sprint, the point, and the coffee card.
After the sprint I kept pedaling; Leo hopped on my wheel and we poured on the coal all the way to Via Zumaya. That 3-minute section, which KOM is held by Michael Marckx from his Strava heyday of 2014, has over 12,000 attempts; Leo notched the tenth fastest ride of all time, on a leaderboard that includes TdF pro Bobby Julich, among others.
I stayed on the tempo keys until Via Fernandez, where Leo easily passed me for the Via Zumaya Donut point and coffee card; Rebekah and Josh joined us soon thereafter.
2020 Donut standings:
- Stathis Sakellariadis 2 points
- Leo Bugtai 2 points
- Nigel DeSota 1 point
- Jon Petrucci 1 point
- Seth Davidson 1 point
- Charon Smith 1 point
- Orlando Cabanday -100,000 points
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