Tour de France canceled

March 23, 2020 § 13 Comments

You heard it here first. The 2020 Tour de France will not be taking place as scheduled. Riders can stow their power meters, their drug bags, and their downtube motors. Time to focus on what’s really important in life, by which I mean indoor training.

Simply put, there is no way the TdF can take place this year. The plug was pulled today on the Olympics; the cancellation of the Tour was announced in a private communique from the race’s organizers to the world’s preeminent cycling news journalism bureau, Cycling in the South Bay.

This is the only time in history that the Tour has been canceled in peacetime. CitSB sat down with Tour chief Christian Prudhomme to discuss this momentous decision.

CitSB: First off, thank you for sharing this incredible scoop with us.

CP: My pleasure.

CitSB: Can you explain why you chose to share it with CitSB instead of, say, L’Equipe, Le Mond, or even the NYT.

CP: We were looking for a publication that was respected, that had impeccable credentials, and that was at the pinnacle of cycling journalism. Naturally that left us with only one choice.

CitSB: Wow. Thank you. So with regard to the cancellation. Was it a tough decision?

CP: Very.

CitSB: Why?

CP: We had to choose public health over profits. That’s the very antithesis of professional sport.

CitSB: I see. What was the tipping point? The cancellation of Flanders, MSR, and Roubaix?

CP: No. We were swayed by reports from domestic wine producers.

CitSB: I don’t understand.

CP: During our current lockdown, people have begun hoarding wine. Wholesalers and retailers have assured us that by July there will be only limited quantities of alcohol available in France, with preferential supplies going to governmental employees.

CitSB: And?

CP: We cannot have the world’s biggest and longest outdoor drunkathon on public streets without alcohol.

CitSB: Were there any other considerations?

CP: Of course.

CitSB: Such as?

CP: We did not want to appear that we were celebrating during a time of crisis.

CitSB: That’s impressive. The Covid-19 pandemic has cost so many lives and disrupted so many others.

CP: Well yes, but I was referring to the caviar shortage that has so greatly impacted us all.

CitSB: Us?

CP: Well, not you, of course. I don’t mean the little people.

CitSB: Of course not. Some people, notably Patrick Lefevere, have said that without the Tour the entire business model of pro cycling will collapse.

CP: (Sighs) That is true.

CitSB: Does that concern you?

CP: Not so much. The cyclists are little people, too. They will find other work. McDonald’s will never go bankrupt, even in France.

CitSB: But without a functioning pro peloton, how will the Tour come back?

CP: We have made plans for that already.

CitSB: Can you share them?

CP: Of course. We are planning to invite masters racers in 2021.


Tagged: ,

§ 13 Responses to Tour de France canceled

  • Anonymous says:

    Great ending!!!! Of the sport…:(

  • thehun11 says:

    Great ending!!!! Of the sport…:(

  • pedaltodd says:

    nice one!

  • Paul Thober says:

    Masters racers??!! So, back to doping like the good ol’ days!

  • Anonymous says:

    Don’t know if this age qualifies as peacetime.

      • downwinder says:

        Heard of a van that is loaded with weapons
        Packed up and ready to go
        Heard of some grave sites out by the highway
        A place where nobody knows
        The sound of gunfire off in the distance
        I’m getting used to it now
        Lived in a brownstone, I lived in the ghetto
        I’ve lived all over this town

        This ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco
        This ain’t no fooling around
        No time for dancing, or lovey dovey
        I ain’t got time for that now

        Transmit the message to the receiver
        Hope for an answer some day
        I got three passports, couple of visas
        Don’t even know my real name
        High on a hillside trucks are loading
        Everything’s ready to roll
        I sleep in the daytime, I work in the nightime
        I might not ever get home

        This ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco
        This ain’t no fooling around
        This ain’t no mudd club, or C.B.G.B.
        I ain’t got time for that now

        This ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco
        This ain’t no fooling around
        No time for dancing, or lovey dovey
        I ain’t got time for that now
        Heard about Houston? heard about Detroit?
        Heard about Pittsburgh, PA?

        You oughta know not to stand by the window
        Somebody might see you up there
        I got some groceries, some peanut butter
        To last a couple of days
        But I ain’t got no speakers, ain’t got no headphones
        Ain’t got no records to play
        Why stay in college? Why go to night school?

        Gonna be different this time?
        Can’t write a letter, can’t send a postcard
        I can’t write nothing at all
        This ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco
        This ain’t no fooling around
        I’d love you hold you, I’d like to kiss you
        I ain’t got no time for that now

        Trouble in transit, got through the roadblock
        We blended in with the crowd
        We got computers, we’re tapping phone lines
        I know that ain’t allowed
        We dress like students, we dress like housewives
        Or in a suit and a tie
        I changed my hairstyle so many times now
        Don’t know what I look like
        You make me shiver, I feel so tender
        We make a pretty good team
        Don’t get exhausted, I’ll do some driving
        You ought to get you some sleep
        Burned all my notebooks, what good are notebooks?
        They won’t help me survive
        My chest is aching, burns like a furnace
        The burning keeps me alive

  • dangerstu says:

    Unlimited masters (pro-deal) racing, all the drugs you want and deals on all your gear, we are f’ed

  • Laura says:

    Very humorous. Great script.

What’s this?

You are currently reading Tour de France canceled at Cycling in the South Bay.


%d bloggers like this: