Virtual cycling

The last few days I have really gotten into virtual cycling!


I recommend it to all my friends and enemies! And to everyone whether you have a bicycle or not!!!!!!!

My two regular readers know that I am, um, frugal/poor, so rest assured that you can do virtual cycling with NO cash outlay.

You don’t need a TeeVee, you don’t need a smart or dumb trainer, you don’t need a cave or a hole or a giant rubber sweat mat or a subscription to anything or an Internet connection or a bicycle, especially you don’t need a bicycle.


With my new un-patented, open source virtual cycling program you can still meet your cycling friends and hang out with them while they are riding and chat with them and etcetera. It is awesome and you will love it.

MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday I virtually cycled for 5.5 hours around a very big chunk of the PV Peninsula. I left home at 10:20 on foot with a backpack, an apple, an orange, a banana, and a water bottle. I walked up Highridge where there was a box of oranges set out on the curb. Some high school kids were soliciting donations for healthcare workers by selling citrus grown in their yards; you took as many of the oranges and grapefruits as you wanted and put however much money you wanted into a little box. I took a couple of oranges and a grapefruit and donated two dollars.

Then I hiked along Crest and turned down a trail and made a wrong turn and got stuck in a ravine. I had to clamber up a steep slope for a long time until I found a trail which took me a couple of miles down to PV Drive by the fire station. I started walking towards Malaga Cove, which was a long way off, and after a couple of miles my virtual cycling began.

First I saw Fred Mackey ride by. “Hi, Fred!” I hollered. He waved. I virtually enjoyed his cool speed as he whizzed by.

Next I saw Wes Morgan. I jumped over the guardrail into the street and waved at him but he didn’t recognize me and thought I was trying to mug him. He swerved wildly and sprinted by. “Hi, Wes!” I said. He recognized me with relief at the last minute and waved. I virtually enjoyed his 1500-watt acceleration.

Then I saw Bob Spalding come blasting by. “Hi, Bob!” I hollered. Bob turned around and pedaled over.

“You’re a long way from home,” he said with a smile. I sat on a post and we chatted for about fifteen minutes. Then he rode away, and I virtually rode off with him.

After crossing Hawthorne I saw Stathis Sakellariadis. He recognized me because he is one of those people who observes everything and he will recognize you even in jeans, sunglasses, goofy hat and backpack.

“My right hand is killing me,” he said.

“How come?”

“All these fricking friendly people keep waving at me and I have to wave back. No one ever waves at anyone in PV. People are in such a great mood.” On cue a cyclist came blasting by and bellowed, “GET OUT OF THE ROAD!”

I virtually enjoyed Stathis’s sleek pedaling as he zoomed off. After a while I was passed by John Labib. He was running, but I virtually enjoyed the fact that he is also a cyclist. By the time I got home I had virtually ridden with a bunch of very favorite people.

Today I virtually rode again, but first I got really lost on another trail. The trail vanished and I kept bushwhacking, the growth getting thicker and sticklier. Finally I pushed aside a giant clump of dead branches and in front of me was a beautiful orange tree, growing wild and laden with countless fresh oranges. I plucked one of them and to peel it, but the skin fell off with no effort.

I sank my teeth up to the gums into the soft, juicy pulp. Orange juice squizzled out of the corners of my mouth and ran down my chin. My fingers were coated with pulp and juice. I unzipped my backpack and stuffed it full of oranges, then began the arduous task of trying to find the trail. I found it then mis-found it, ending up in a dry creekbed strewn with rocks, boulders, giant tree trunks, and one of nature’s most astonishingly beautiful creatures, a large rusted wheelbarrow.

I hacked and stumbled for half an hour, deep in the ravine, when I heard a “Scree! Scree! Scree!” I looked up and a pair of red-tailed hawks had flown off their nest hidden in a tree right above my head. At the same moment an angry yellow-rumped warbler in brilliant spring plumage hopped up and scolded me for invading the sanctuary.

I bushwhacked on until I reached a giant culvert, then clambered up the hillside through more clawing vines and was #blessed to see another rusted wheelbarrow. I figured it was the other one’s mate and they were looking for a nest to raise their baby rusted wheelbarrows in. I gingerly tiptoed over it so as not to startle is and got up onto the road.

After a couple of hours I had my next virtual cycling experience: I ran into Joey Cooney who wasn’t actually on his bicycle. But since he is a bicyclist, we talked about cycling and virtually enjoyed one another’s bicycling tales. I gave him a couple of oranges and went up another trail.

Much later I was on Paseo del Sol and Bob Reichmann rode by. “Hi, Seth!” he said. He stopped and we chatted about not working, and I gave him one of my wild oranges.

In all it was about a four-hour walk with lots of up and down and a couple of very solid virtual cycling segments. I’m pretty darn sure I got the COM.

Citrus. Of the. Mountain.


Read this far? Then maybe it’s time to Go ahead and hit this “subscribe” link. Thank you!

Nature’s bounty! And no, Jay LaPlante and Gus Bayle don’t know this tree!

9 thoughts on “Virtual cycling”

  1. The County just outlawed virtual cycling today because you didn’t sanitize those oranges. ……………………

    Happened today April 1st

    1. I sanitized them by wiping them carefully with used facemasks. Does that count?

  2. Let’s have some actual or Strava by invitation only racing on the strand while it’s closed to the general public?

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