The pandemic is thankfully over and completely done with except for the massive surge in “reopened” states like Arizona. Also, the covids have all moved to South America where the weather is nicer anyway. Pointy-headed doctor types claim that the covids is comin back in the fall but when they do we will have a big ol can of whoop ass waitin for their tiny covid asses.
So you can all relax and get back to normal.
But there are a few normals that you can’t get back to because even though the covids has left, they has taken some stuff with them. Here’s yer Wanky Covids Dead ‘N Gone List.
- Group rides. Stick a fork in ’em. Sorry. Yeah, there will always be folks who ride around in packs but they will never again be the hallmark of recreational cycling. And they’ll keep skewing older and older because young riders won’t be raised on a group ride diet of getting yelled at by mean old people.
- Bike racin’. Stick a bigger fork in it. It was already on three ventilators. You really think anyone’s going to discover industrial park crit racing or a road race in Pearblossom as their new hobby?
- Human interaction. Facegag and The Stravver and Zwifty had already chewed big holes out of person-to-person interactions. Now people have zero reason to hang out in person except for that silly thing, humanity. About which no one GAF.
- Bike racin’ teams. See #2.
- Fake bike racin’ teams. See #2.
- Masters bike racin’ teams. See #2.
- Wildly overpriced and ugly must-buy summer/fall/winter riding outfits for #4, #5, and #6.
- Human powered cycling. The covids has pushed lots of people into the shops to buy e-bikes. I see them everywhere now and people think riding them think they are actually bicycling. The motors will get tinier and more powerful and cheaper. Pretty soon even the covids will be on e-bikes.
- Coffee cruises. Lazy, marginally employed bicycle riders will no longer troll the SoCal coast in mobs looking for coffee and chocolate-covered anything. The sight of fifty people in their 50’s stuffed into undersized plastic clown suits will be a thing of the past, thankfully.
- Baseball. A fella can dream, can’t he?
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