Cycling in the South Bay

Phenom Tiesj Benoot, the 21-year-old speedster with Lotto-Soudal who pulled off an amazing fifth place in the Ronde van Vlaanderen was allowed to speak with the press yesterday about his expectations for Paris-Roubaix. Benoot, who is clearly on form after a string of strong early-season performances, sat down with CitSB to discuss the big day on Sunday.

CitSB: So you’re unsure of what to expect in your first professional Paris-Roubaix?

TB: Yes. I’ve ridden it as an amateur, but as a professional it will be completely different. I really don’t know what to expect.

CitSB: You don’t?

TB: No.

CitSB: Can I help you out with that?

TB: Well, sure.

CitSB: It’s going to be really fucking hard.

TB: Yes, but …

CitSB: There is no “but.” You’re going to get your ass handed to you on a plate.

TB: The Belgian press believes I may be Tommeke’s successor, of course that’s ridiculous, but still …

CitSB: The Belgian press believed that the Kaiser was going to invade France through Nigeria. You are gonna get stomped.

TB: Since it’s my first professional P-R, I’m unsure how it will play out. My director sportif says …

CitSB:  Your director sportif will be sitting in a leather chair behind the wheel of a Mercedes sipping espresso from a spill-proof cup while The Wiggster has your nuts in a vise and holds them out for the rest of the peloton to jump on. You will get your fucking head staved in.

TB: That’s kind of negative.

CitSB: And what the nut-crushing doesn’t accomplish, the jagged paving stones will. Expect a complete beatdown.

TB: If you say so.

CitSB: I do.

*Note: After this interview, CitSB reached out to several past winners of P-R to ask them what they thought Tiesj should expect. Here is a sampling of their responses.

Eddy Merckx: It will be very difficult and hard. And long.

Roger De Vlaeminck: De Paris-Roubaix, it has a hard day. Very hard. Difficulty and hardness.

Tom Boonen: What can he expect? A hard day in the saddle, much pain, difficulty, struggle, unpleasantness, misery, dust, perhaps rain and mud, bone-jarring exhausting. Perhaps a few crashes. Hard day, for sure.

Fabian Cancellara: He can expect the hard.

Francesco Moser: Itsa hard carrera. He will have the hard day.

Frederic Guesdon: Tres dur. Dur, et difficile, sans doute.

END

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