World’s greatest pro masters racer

October 10, 2013 § 16 Comments

We all know the essential characteristics of the pro masters racer — selfish, delusional, cheap, and self-serving to the extreme. Chris Horner, at age 41 the oldest winner of a Grand Tour, has no contract for next year. He went on twampage to vent his frustration in a charming series of tweets, which you can read here.

After digging around on the Internet, I came up with another series of tweets associated with the same Twitter account. Here they are:

12:09am Whined like a little bitch on the Twitter. #ididthat!

12:11am Never tested posative. #meandlancedidthat!

12:15am Spent years with one of the most corrupt teams in sports history. #ididthat!

12:19am Never new anyone was doping. #ididthat!

12:22am Gave doping testimony to USADA but had name redacted from report. #ididthat!

12:30am Published blood values but refused to answer journo’s questions about USADA report. #ididthat!

1:00am Intentionally chose this stupid sport as a “career” instead of getting an education. #ididthat!

1:01am Complained about it anyway. #ididthat!

1:09am Sacrificed everything I had four racing, which was, uh, nothing. #ididthatwithalltheother12kdreamers!

1:10am Believe that being a pro bike racer makes me special. #isodothat!

1:45am Ate a lot of Big Macs and told people, especially children, their healthy. #istilldothat!

1:48am Wondered why another aging star from the Big Dope era is a terrible investment. #ididthat!

2:59am Had one to many after dinner tonight. #ididthat! #belch

3:01am Broke wifes rule of “Thou shalt not tweet while hammered.” #ididthat! #notgettinanytonite

3:11am Through the phone threw the window because no knew contract offers came after tweet rant. #ididthat!

3:26am Realized that you cant get a new contract by being a whiney little bitch. #ididthat!

3:30am Did a Google search on “How too erase tweets forever.” #ididthat!

3:44am Got majorly bummed when I found out u cant. #fuckiwishihadntdonethat!

3:50am Checked to see when masters racing starts next year in SoCal. #ididthatanditwasdepressingasshit!

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